Vape God Becomes Vape King
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It was a casual Thursday afternoon when Aspen’s own vape god, Johnny E. Cig, decided to run for AHS prom king. After three months of vigorous campaigning including hanging up signs to promote his Vape for Life Club and handing out free vape pens, he has finally won his crown.
Last Saturday the annual AHS prom was held in a smoke filled room at the Viceroy. When Johnny was announced as the prom king he immediately started his acceptance speech by shouting,
“Suh dudes, finna gimme dat vape dawg noochers.” Immediatly five kids cheered loudly while the remaining 320 students stared awkwardly.
He then took a five minute break to try out some new smoke ring tricks and then continued on, “Word to my bros in dis dank school, peace to ya.”
Through his inspiring words, he has been able to gain a new following of vapers.
“In the beginning I could never tell what he was saying, but after a while I just embraced the poetic meaning behind his words and ignored his rants,” said AHS amature vaper Sam Puff. He quickly added that he was “Hella hyped to have such a word role model.”
Ever since prom, AHS students have begun to greet each other with “suh dude” and say “ferda” every other word. The situation has gotten so bad that the school now offers a language course called Intro to Vape Terminology.
“Our school has become a wasteland of stammering students. We had to replace tutorial with a mandatory speech therapy class. This 20 minute class works to encourage kids to say what’s up instead of yo dude, now instead of nooch, and going to instead of finna. On the bright side at least our school is being introduced to new cultures,” said teacher Mr. Brown