Lululemon Takeover

Lululemon Takeover

April 9, 2015

AHS STUDENTS ALREADY PREPARING FOR EXCITING FUTURES

Harry Kahn, Staff Writer

April 7, 2015

Filed under Satire

In the modern day pedagogical system, the college admission process is a simple, straightforward experience. Admission to the most prestigious schools is pretty much guaranteed if students follow the rubric created by the Aspen...

Mr.P to Fight ISIS?

Charlie Van Allen, Staff Writer

April 7, 2015

Filed under Satire

As you all know, the iconic English teacher, Andy “Mr.P” Popinchalk, will be retiring at the end of this school year. The question is what will Mr.P do after 25 years of teaching English at AHS? In a recent interview he told...

What’s Your Horoscope?

Katherine Doherty, Design Editor

April 7, 2015

Filed under Satire

Aries: March 21-April 19 This month you will either meet your one true love or trip over a trash can while staring at another couple in love.   Taurus: April 20-May 20 This month you will become interested in a new hobby...

Ask Olivia

Olivia Oksenhorn, Staff Writer

April 7, 2015

Filed under Satire

Dear Olivia, I feel as if the prices are getting too fair at lunch. I mean, last year I used to get a discount because I’m blond and cute and now, I don’t even get fifty cents off my breakfast bagel. It’s an outrage! How c...

Lunchroom Report

Nathaniel Karbank, Staff Writer, Online Newspaper Poster Extrodinare

May 5, 2014

Filed under Satire

Many of the students at Aspen High School believe that the food they receive from the so-called “Chef Jeff” is tasty as well as relatively healthy, but what they’re about to find out is shocking. In a recent report lead...

Satire