Actual Headlines:

Joint Committee Investigates Marijuana Use

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax

Kicking Baby Considered to Be Healthy

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Q. What did the old man say to Indiana Jones?

A. Get off my lawn you whipper-snapper!

Q. What do you call someone who designs a balcony?

A. A Deck-orator.

Q. What did the battery say to the prisoner?

A. I guess we both took a charge.

Knock* Knock*

Who’s there?

Juno.

Juno who?

Juno who it is!

Knock* Knock*

Who’s there?

Armageddon.

Armageddon Who?

Armageddon out of here!

Knock* Knock*

Who’s there?

Awkward silence.

Awkward silence who?

……….

I finally broke the record for squatting at my school, it’s like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.