SATIRE– Professor Travis Riddle had a rough week after his snake escaped his chambers and began roaming around the school. Though he claims that the the snake is harmless and knows right from wrong,  students have been  avoiding the science wing of the school because they don’t trust the snake’s morals. Counselors have been overbooked with students trying to switch their schedules.

Over the course of the past week, the snake has been spotted by three different people. The snake bit their hands, leaving small red marks. After putting bandages on their many wounds, the students have claimed that they were traumatized from the event. Surprisingly, the school is not facing any lawsuits.One of the students who was bitten, Colin Breevey, feels personally victimized after being bitten by the snake.

“The snake came around the corner and I was petrified with fear. I felt my life flash before my eyes and then it struck,” Colin Breevey said. “My hand suffers a small cut. I don’t think I will ever get over this!” Breevey was close to tears by the end of the interview. The snake is still on the loose and teachers do not seem to be concerned about the safety issues that could pose a threat to themselves and their students. Jinny Weasel is another freshman and has yet to see the snake.

“I’m very scared of snakes,” said Jinny Weasel, “I think that we should go after it and find it before it finds us.” Later that week, Weasel went on a expedition to find the snake and has not been seen since.