SATIRE — These quotes are a small collection of some strange sentences that have been overheard within the AHS Journalism class while we draft articles, argue about politics, or just talk about random stuff. Warning: there’s some (censored) profane language in the following article. 

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“You don’t wanna take the bet because you’re afraid to get pregnant!”

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“I’ll take the mustard, you take the gum, let’s do this.”

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“Oh shoot! I just broke the chair.”

(separate conversation)

“This is your opportunity to use pickles!”

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*walks up to classmate* “Wait, are you drinking that?”

“Yes?”

*panicked* “Did you not see what I did to it??”

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“Yams. Banana yams.”

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“Can I do ‘scientists have given up’ for my next article?”

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“Okay, who decided to make ground up bean water and then some leaf water? If you think about it, I’m drinking bean water with some milk and sugar.”

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“All I have is yams.”

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“I’ll just be over here like, ‘my article sucks, what do I do??’”

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“Do you think I can call this a glorified trash bag?”

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“Mangoes? Honestly, I’ve never had one.”

[a moment later]

“What’s a kiwi??”

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“It looks like I’m drowning in a sea of rice… I like that.”

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“Bananas are dangerous. They’re just sandy mush.”

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“Can I write an article about things overheard in the Journalism room?”
“… The jungle gym room?”

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“I think that dropping the F-bomb is mild.”

“I mean… I’d call that, uh, medium?”

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“You can really tell a lot about a person depending on their level of hot sauce.”

“What??”
“Like, if someone takes mild hot sauce, they’re a p*ssy, but if they have hot hot sauce, you know they’re a bad b*tch.”

“Well I eat sour cream so I don’t know what that says about me”

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“Trump made science illegal!”

“WHAT??”

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“We could write: School tragedy, student flushes airpods.”

“You can’t write satire based on actual events!”

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“What’s your favorite food?”

“Steak.”

“Dang, that’s ambitious.”

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“He said he flipped a table while yelling ‘I’m dyslexic!’”

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“Wait so you basically want someone with small eyebrows??”

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“Do you think a pencil sharpener would sharpen or mush a banana?”

“Let’s try it”

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“Wide load…oh my god it’s a cat!”

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“Hillary Clinton was not in The Conjuring.”

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“Oh my gosh! I spread a twitching disease.”

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“I feel like my pants have gotten tighter since I’ve eaten so much Big Wrap.”

“You lucky lucky… lady.”