THE SKIER SCRIBBLER

Donald Trump’s Twitter Account Deleted and Riots Break Out

Donald Trump’s Twitter Account Deleted and Riots Break Out

Tessa Guthrie, Staff Writer

February 9, 2018


Filed under Satire

SATIRE --- This Saturday at 3:06 am Donald Trump’s Twitter account was deleted by a rogue hacker, 22-year-old Smarty Pants. “His account was extremely easy to hack into because his password was, iamagenius123. From then on it was smooth sailing,” Pants said. Five minutes after it was deactivated...

AHS Students Hospitalized Due to Revokement of Plastic Water Bottles

AHS Students Hospitalized Due to Revokement of Plastic Water Bottles

Bella Hoffman, Staff Writer

February 9, 2018


Filed under Satire

SATIRE--- 30 students at AHS have been hospitalized for dehydration after The Earth Group removed all plastic water bottles from the cafeteria. AHS students refuse to bring water bottles from home and Earth Group has banned all plastic water bottles from the school. Students now are starting to drink out o...

Steve Sandcrocker : Government Spy

Steve Sandcrocker : Government Spy

Gage Redman, Staff Writer

February 7, 2018


Filed under Satire

  SATIRE--Many know about Steven Sandcrocker’s profession as a business teacher at AHS, but did anyone know about his career as a secret agent? Yes, the rumors are true. The one and only “Sandman” works in the Kingsman agency. If you ever thought of Sandcrocker as a regular guy, think again. ...

Food Quality Program Will Save AHS Budget

Food Quality Program Will Save AHS Budget

Tatum Diemer, Staff Writer

February 7, 2018


Filed under Satire

SATIRE--Recently, AHS has been faced with an economic crisis: losing money left and right due to failing programs such as the stress relief fight club and other experiments. After reviewing the schools budget from every angle, Sarah Strauss-Hotdog has decided to implement a program that will lower the q...

Student Reaches Enlightenment during Two Minute Meditation

Student Reaches Enlightenment during Two Minute Meditation

Kaelyn Kroeger, Staff Writer

January 31, 2018


Filed under Satire

SATIRE --- Meditation is a practice that is greatly appreciated all around the world. It is used to reach the most peaceful state of mind possible. In order to help his students concentrate better during his class, Professeur Calm has had his students complete a two-minute meditation every day in the...

AHS Freshman Boy Holds Door For Girl and World Goes Crazy

AHS Freshman Boy Holds Door For Girl and World Goes Crazy

Tessa Guthrie, Staff Writer

January 30, 2018


Filed under Satire

SATIRE --- About two days ago at 7:56 am, something extraordinary happened. Brick Banister, a male freshman at AHS, held the door for a group of girls walking into the school. Many people witness this once-in-a-lifetime act and were shocked. “I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was like walking...

Breaking News: English Department Replaces Class With Feelings Hour

Breaking News: English Department Replaces Class With Feelings Hour

Jordan Fox, Editor-In-Cheif

January 23, 2018


Filed under Satire

SATIRE-- After a recent trip to Fairview High School, the AHS English department has decided to abolish all grades and replace otherwise useless state required class-time with feelings hour. “It all started when I noticed how stressed all my students were and so I decided to go around the circle and ask...

AfterGen Decides to Buy Up All Aspen Properties

AfterGen Decides to Buy Up All Aspen Properties

Madison Osberger-Low, Sports Editor

January 13, 2018


Filed under Satire

SATIRE-- As Landy Chalk’s occupation as a professor of literature came to a close, he became distraught by the threats to his home and future living conditions. Turns out, Chalk had every right to be afraid. The AfterGen group that is tailored to millennials’ needs had asked the local government ...

Deadly Snake is Petrifying Students With Fear

January 9, 2018


Filed under Satire

SATIRE-- Professor Travis Riddle had a rough week after his snake escaped his chambers and began roaming around the school. Though he claims that the the snake is harmless and knows right from wrong,  students have been  avoiding the science wing of the school because they don’t trust the snake’...

Procrastination – The Key to Happiness

Procrastination – The Key to Happiness

Niko Hansen, Staff Writer

January 9, 2018


Filed under Satire

SATIRE - After having lived sixteen successful and rewarding years on this planet, and after having walked the halls of Aspen high school for almost 5 months, I can confidently say that I have discovered the key to happiness. Now, you might think, what is this secret to happiness? To me, it’s quite...

Aspen Ski Bums and Ski Co are Thriving With Less Snow on the Slopes

Aspen Ski Bums and Ski Co are Thriving With Less Snow on the Slopes

Bella Hoffman, Staff Writer

January 9, 2018


Filed under Satire

SATIRE ---  The color white is so last year and the color green is coming in hot this season. Aspen ski bums are having a rad season with less snow upon the cliffs. The local skiers have ultimately decided that skiing on grass is much more fun. The temperatures may be cold, but the snowless slopes a...

AHS Starts Fight Club for Finals Stress Relief

AHS Starts Fight Club for Finals Stress Relief

Tatum Diemer, Staff Writer

January 8, 2018


Filed under Satire

SATIRE --- As finals continue to creep closer, the average student’s stress levels begins to rise. When dealing with an overwhelming amount of stress, many students find it difficult to function on a daily basis due to symptoms that affect a person’s cognitive, behavioral, physical, and emotional aspects...