THE SKIER SCRIBBLER

Polar Bears Accept Climate Change as Opportunity to Finally Perfect their Beach Bodies

Polar Bears Accept Climate Change as Opportunity to Finally Perfect their Beach Bodies

Jordan Fox, Online Editor

April 1, 2017


Filed under Satire

THE ARCTIC CIRCLE--“Do I look fat in all this fur?” Oslo the polar bear asked. “I know I have gained a few extra pounds recently and I have gotten pale but I’m working on it.” For years a group of polar bears living in the Arctic Circle have distinguished themselves as avid advocates of g...

Pit Bulls; Absolutely Terrifying Dogs

Pit Bulls; Absolutely Terrifying Dogs

Paige Quist, Staff Writer

April 1, 2017


Filed under Satire

Pit bulls, the highly feared dogs, are overtaking shelters due to their bad rap. Cameron Jones, a long-time pit bull owner, explains just how dangerous the dogs can be.   “The thing about these pit bulls is that they will try to attack you," Jones said while warding off the tail-wagging attacke...

President Lump Cancels Earth Day

President Lump Cancels Earth Day

Chelsea Moore, Staff Writer

March 22, 2017


Filed under Satire

  Sure, America knows that President Lump doesn’t believe in climate change--he certainly did not run on an environmentally focused platform. “Global warming is an expensive hoax,” Lump tweeted. What no one expected from him was a nationwide ban on Earth Day, a holiday that has been celebrated for over 45 ...

Chipotle E Coli Outbreak: Hindering Illness or Weight Loss Opportunity for BFFs?

Zoe Cramer, staff writer

April 30, 2016


Filed under Satire

Some might perceive the Chipotle Mexican Grill E Coli outbreak as an abominable mishap of what is supposed to be considered a healthy alternative for fast food. This is not the case for teen best friends Amber Shields and Katy Meyers. The two Miami, Florida, girls see it as an opportunity to lose we...

AHS Students Embrace New Schedule Wholeheartedly

Olivia Oksenhorn, Editor

April 11, 2016


Filed under Satire

After it was announced that the schedule will change next year, the student body and staff have appeared to be ecstatic and elated. Students have been witnessed celebrating the new schedule hanging the mock schedule up in their lockers, posting enthusiastic statuses on Facebook, and thanking superintendent...

Vape God Becomes Vape King

Jordan Fox, Staff Writer

April 11, 2016


Filed under Satire

It was a casual Thursday afternoon when Aspen’s own vape god, Johnny E. Cig, decided to run for AHS prom king. After three months of vigorous campaigning including hanging up signs to promote his Vape for Life Club and handing out free vape pens, he has finally won his crown. Last Saturday the an...

Theres a New Lunchbox Up for Sale!!!!

Jordana Rothberg, Staff Writer

April 11, 2016


Filed under Satire

Hurry! There’s a new Lululemon bag up for sale and if you want to fit in with the cool kids and have matching lunch boxes and appear popular you absolutely need to have it! ...

Netflix Support Group Starts at AHS

Netflix Support Group Starts at AHS

Olivia Clauss

April 11, 2016


Filed under Satire

        Aspen High School’s array of clubs gains a new addition—the Netflix Support Group. According to club advisor Mrs. Binge, the Netflix Support Group is a great program where kids can come out about their Netflix addictions, meet others who share their problem, and, through discussi...

“Reality Scope”

Jordana Rothberg, Staff Writer

April 11, 2016


Filed under Satire

On the first of every month I promptly go online and research my horoscope. Actually that’s a lie. Somehow horoscopes pop into my Facebook feed or appear as side advertisements, and more often than not due to my lack of self control I click on them to see what I am predicted to do this month. Usually I get...

Vape God Become Vape King

Jordan Fox, Staff Writer

April 11, 2016


Filed under Satire

It was a casual Thursday afternoon when Aspen’s own vape god, Johnny E. Cig, decided to run for AHS prom king. After three months of vigorous campaigning including hanging up signs to promote his Vape for Life Club and handing out free vape pens, he has finally won his crown. Last Saturday the an...

Aspen High School: A Technology Free Community

Aspen High School: A Technology Free Community

Chelsea Moore, Staff Writer

April 11, 2016


Filed under Satire

Many people can guess why Aspen High School is rated best in Colorado, but no one actually knows our secret of climbing to the top. In our school, you will see no iPhones coming from back pockets but instead letters from secret-admirers. To be honest, students like myself don’t feel the need for the...

Junior Year: A Complete Joke and Waste of Time

Junior Year: A Complete Joke and Waste of Time

Carson Friedland, Staff Writer

March 23, 2016


Filed under Satire

The typical AHS junior’s life is one to envy.  They spend hours doing absolutely nothing but sleeping, skiing, playing video games or whatever else they please.  Many of them arrive at school three hours late every day without missing anything.  This is because their teachers often do not even show...