The student news site of Aspen High School

THE SKIER SCRIBBLER

Theres a New Lunchbox Up for Sale!!!!

Jordana Rothberg, Staff Writer

April 11, 2016


Filed under Satire

Hurry! There’s a new Lululemon bag up for sale and if you want to fit in with the cool kids and have matching lunch boxes and appear popular you absolutely need to have it! ...

Netflix Support Group Starts at AHS

Netflix Support Group Starts at AHS

Olivia Clauss

April 11, 2016


Filed under Satire

        Aspen High School’s array of clubs gains a new addition—the Netflix Support Group. According to club advisor Mrs. Binge, the Netflix Support Group is a great program where kids can come out about their Netflix addictions, meet others who share their problem, and, through discussi...

“Reality Scope”

Jordana Rothberg, Staff Writer

April 11, 2016


Filed under Satire

On the first of every month I promptly go online and research my horoscope. Actually that’s a lie. Somehow horoscopes pop into my Facebook feed or appear as side advertisements, and more often than not due to my lack of self control I click on them to see what I am predicted to do this month. Usually I get...

Vape God Become Vape King

Jordan Fox, Staff Writer

April 11, 2016


Filed under Satire

It was a casual Thursday afternoon when Aspen’s own vape god, Johnny E. Cig, decided to run for AHS prom king. After three months of vigorous campaigning including hanging up signs to promote his Vape for Life Club and handing out free vape pens, he has finally won his crown. Last Saturday the an...

Aspen High School: A Technology Free Community

Aspen High School: A Technology Free Community

Chelsea Moore, Staff Writer

April 11, 2016


Filed under Satire

Many people can guess why Aspen High School is rated best in Colorado, but no one actually knows our secret of climbing to the top. In our school, you will see no iPhones coming from back pockets but instead letters from secret-admirers. To be honest, students like myself don’t feel the need for the...

Junior Year: A Complete Joke and Waste of Time

Junior Year: A Complete Joke and Waste of Time

Carson Friedland, Staff Writer

March 23, 2016


Filed under Satire

The typical AHS junior’s life is one to envy.  They spend hours doing absolutely nothing but sleeping, skiing, playing video games or whatever else they please.  Many of them arrive at school three hours late every day without missing anything.  This is because their teachers often do not even show...

Trump Introduces New Pre-professional Kindergarten Business Model

Trump Introduces New Pre-professional Kindergarten Business Model

Vicente Lagarrigue, Staff Writer

March 23, 2016


Filed under Satire

Recently, supporters of the Republican candidate Donald Trump have been getting very excited for the presidential elections. It seems like he's going to be placed as the forerunner for the Republicans, and soon there might possibly be a Trump in the White House. Donald Trump is a businessman, politician,...

AHS Transforms Into Boarding School To Improve Math Standardized Test Scores

AHS Transforms Into Boarding School To Improve Math Standardized Test Scores

Sam Kahn, Staff Writer

March 23, 2016


Filed under Satire

Today class was interrupted when a bulldozer barreled through the English department after principal Karyn Blueberry unveiled a viable solution to help improve AHS math standardized test scores. Led by an academic scheduling expert Principal Blueberry hand picked from the administration of a small c...

The Rise of “After School” in AHS

The Rise of “After School” in AHS

Julia Haugan, Staff Writer

January 11, 2016


Filed under Satire

   The world of social media is growing all around us. With apps like Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat, we can connect to people in a totally different way. But another social media app “After School” is becoming really popular at our school.    After School is a social networking app last updated on Nov...

Freshmen Clean the Cafeteria!!!!!

Freshmen Clean the Cafeteria!!!!!

Kim Sandbach, Staff Writer

April 9, 2015


Filed under Satire

Due to the new housekeeping course that was added to the 9th grade curriculum this year, the cafeteria has been spotless after lunch for all of second semester. “I couldn’t believe my eyes!” Stanley Steamer, AHS longtime janitor said. “In all my ten years at AHS I have never seen such amazi...

AHS Young Communists Travel to North Korea

AHS Young Communists Travel to North Korea

Caroline DeRosa, Editor

April 9, 2015


Filed under Satire

With all the hype over the recent Young Republicans’ Club and Young Democrats’ Club popping on up the AHS campus, a few students have since taken the initiative to start up a club that does not necessarily fall within those boundaries. Two AHS students who prefer not to reveal their names due to...

JV Recruitment

JV Recruitment

Carson Friedland, Staff Writer

April 9, 2015


Filed under Satire

AHS student athletes Kim Sandbach, Tess Schaftel, and Ella Horn have recently been recruited by the University of Denver and Northwestern University from Aspen’s JV lacrosse team.  Being undefeated for the past five years and working on another undefeated year currently, this should come as no surprise....