On a Tuesday, March 12, at 8:99 AM, Sarah Strasshotdog accidentally walked into room 0420 and found 23 students staring at the damp, concrete wall. A green gas floated around the room and the students...
Many tourists around Aspen are known for their stylish outfits referred to as microwaves. Although this attire is extremely fashionable and has the potential to make anyone look like a professional skier,...
SATIRE – On National Obama Day, the one day of the year where every person over the age of 18 is required to recite the constitution in front of a group of salamanders, United Nations (UN) soldiers were...
Peanut butter: everybody’s favorite sandwich ingredient. This may sound like an easy and simple topic of conversation, but it can define you. Different types of nut butter were not created not to judge,...
SATIRE- Milk. A beverage many parents encouraged, and sometimes forced their children to drink when young. This beverage was made with the hopes that children would grow up tall and strong. Packed with...
SATIRE-- Since 2006, Pluto has been struggling with its planetary identity. Much of the world’s population has listened to “science” or whatever, saying that Pluto isn’t an actual planet but rather...
SATIRE -- Many AHS students don't use their lockers, which leads to the common assumption that unused lockers are empty. However, when Skier TV students opened AHS lockers to investigate this mystery,...
SATIRE-- Aspen High School prides itself on allowing students to embrace who they are. Kids often embrace their true identity within their hairstyles, clothing options, etc. Throughout this pandemic, teachers...
SATIRE-- 2021 was full of surprises, but 2022 has even more in store for you, a new baby! Along with the joy of having a new accessory, a child, there will be many new responsibilities in your life. First,...
SATIRE --To account long lunch lines at AHS, lunch has been shortened down to 5 minutes, the first change in the 2021-2022 schedule all year. This controversial change has resulted in boycotts and riots...
SATIRE-- Aspen Skiers, get stoked! For the first time in AHS history there will be a teacher fight night. Students will be asked to place bets on the teachers you think will destroy each other. *Betting...
SATIRE-- Mark Fish, an Aspen "developer”, has been adding to his collection of properties in town since 1850. Although the feat of living until 2022 is already impressive for a man of 172 years old,...
