The student news site of Aspen High School

THE SKIER SCRIBBLER

Students Still Able to Function After ACT Scores Released

Students Still Able to Function After ACT Scores Released

Jessica Tyler, Editor

April 2, 2014


Filed under Satire, Uncategorized

Monday February 24, the day after February ACT scores posted online, the junior class at AHS had a ninety seven percent attendance rate, which was actually higher than any school day so far this year, and all the students at school managed to complete the day without having any meltdowns and or hospital...

Journalism Students Demand Payment

Journalism Students Demand Payment

Audrey Sichel, Striking Reporter

April 2, 2014


Filed under Satire

“We want pay to write about your day!” Senior Matthew Sovich yelled as he led the journalism class in protest. Recently the AHS journalism class has been boycotting the paper due to no payment for their articles. In the past three months, there has been no Skier Scribbler and the community is...

AHS Releases Simplified Schedule for July 2014

AHS Releases Simplified Schedule for July 2014

Stella Kaplan, Staff Writer

April 1, 2014


Filed under Satire

   Do you ever go home feeling like you didn’t get enough time socializing in the commons or learn a sufficient number of new math equations?  Ever feel like you just don’t spend enough time at school? The ASD board and administartion has been debating for years now how to produce the best ed...

AHS Makes a Big Change for Math Department

AHS Makes a Big Change for Math Department

Tess Schaftel, Boss

April 1, 2014


Filed under Satire

This upcoming 2014-2015 school year, Aspen High School is enforcing its “Only Math” program. This initiative is designed to make sure Aspen kids never fall behind in their math studies and always stay at least four grade levels ahead. Their schedule will consist of eight math periods with a twenty-five...

Aspen High School Hires Recently Released Champ Bailey as New Head Football Coach

Aspen High School Hires Recently Released Champ Bailey as New Head Football Coach

Matt Sovich, Sports Guy

April 1, 2014


Filed under Satire

Aspen High will be joining selective company when they officially introduce former All Pro and future Hall of Fame cornerback Champ Bailey as the new head football coach. Aspen will join Valor Christian High as the only high school programs in the state with ex-professional football player’s as coaches....

Middle School News

Jordan Cramer, Middle School Correspondent

April 1, 2014


Filed under Satire, Uncategorized

Train Tracks on Teeth Middle school is that time of your life where you go in for monthly orthodontist appointments and pick colors for your braces that most exemplify your personality. 7th grader Jessica Frank is one of the many students in her class that struts metal on their teeth. “My favorite color i...

AHS Students Shocked by Speedy School Wi-Fi

AHS Students Shocked by Speedy School Wi-Fi

Olivia Oksenhorn, Wannabee Staff Writer

April 1, 2014


Filed under Satire

Friday March 7th seemed like any other day, but AHS students were in for a gargantuan surprise when they arrived to school and took out their computers; the school Wi-Fi was fixed. Gasps and shouts were heard throughout the hallways. The school was alive with mixed emotions of excitement and shock. Stu...

Students Disappointed TCAP is over

Students Disappointed TCAP is over

Kim Sandbach, Staff Writer

April 1, 2014


Filed under Satire

The line outside the counseling office at AHS has been unusually long lately due to the fact that 77% of students have fallen into a depression since the TCAP has ended. Counselors Josh Berro and Emily Weingart don’t know how to deal with the air of sadness in the school. Kids have been moping around...

Student Learns Last Week’s News Today!

Mackenzie Conner, Staff Writer

April 1, 2014


Filed under Satire

In the middle of one of Chris Bonadies’ lectures, Frank Smith was abruptly called to attention by the morning announcements that finally came on the PA system around 8:30. He learned that there had been an Earth Group meeting last Tuesday, following which the announcement suddenly cutout. By the...

Will Netflix Make You Smarter?

Will Netflix Make You Smarter?

April 1, 2014


Filed under Satire

It’s the night before the biggest exam of the year. Your choices are to either study the material until late at night and pray that the information sinks in before the morning, or to grab the nearest internet-connected IPod or computer and watch hours of your favorite TV series until your brain...

Ex Ed Lottery Sham Revealed

Ex Ed Lottery Sham Revealed

Harry Kahn

April 1, 2014


Filed under Satire

A recent investigation has revealed that the AHS Ex Ed lottery is corrupt and rotten to the core.  The Sherriff’s department, in conjunction with Alpine Legal Services, was tipped off by a group of disgruntled Aspen high school football players who had been assigned to a yoga retreat in Crestone,...

Ski Season Going Downhill

Mad Flow Mo, The Most Attractive Staff Writer

April 1, 2014


Filed under Satire

An unusual number of passes have been revoked on Snowmass Mountain this season for kids being “too gnarly”. The lack of care that students show while driving has transferred over to the attitudes of teen skiers. “I’m sick of all the young, “professional” skiers and snowboarders doing tricks,...