When someone intentionally, or sometimes unintentionally, shows that they are incapable of performing a task, it is known as weaponized incompetence. Sometimes this behavior is known as strategic incompetence, which forces the other person to take over and do the work for you. This calculated laziness is typically performed by men and takes place between partners and coworkers. Imagine you are in a group working on a project and your partner says to you, “Oh, I’m so bad at making slideshows. Could you prepare the presentation for tomorrow morning? You always make them look so good.”

This kind of manipulation can be incredibly frustrating for the victims. While yes, they are getting a complement for their amazing slideshow presentations, they are given additional responsibility as a result of the uneven task distribution.

The mental health of the victim whose partner is weaponizing their incompetence can be affected severely. Victims frequently feel abused and unappreciated, which causes them to distrust their own judgment and expectations. When these emotions build up, it can lead to increased anxiety and emotional exhaustion. Feeling taken advantage of and burnout may result from this behavior as well.

Weaponized incompetence in a relationship is especially harmful when performed around children. It can create a toxic environment and give unrealistic ideas about how relationships work. It leads children to believe that one parent is more reliable than the other.

Whether you consciously or subconsciously weaponize your incompetence, it is very harmful to the victim. Recognizing the signs and addressing them promptly is crucial for maintaining healthy interactions and personal well-being. Open communication, setting clear expectations, and promoting mutual respect, can work towards creating more balanced and supportive environments.