The student news site of Aspen High School


The student news site of Aspen High School


The student news site of Aspen High School


Students rallying out side AHS to violently protest the controversial CREW period.

AHS student protest against CREW turns violent

Katelyn O'Callaghan and Tessa Guthrie April 5, 2021

SATIRE-- On Tuesday, March 30th, during CREW, AHS students frightened the faculty with a violent protest. Three-hundred students gathered on the beach protesting the controversial CREW period. While the...

AHS senior, De Pressed, three weeks after being diagnosed with Couchpotatoitis.

AHS seniors diagnosed with serious diesease

Tessa Guthrie, Editor-in-Chief April 5, 2021

SATIRE-- Scientists from across the globe are studying a new phenomenon occurring for seniors at AHS. Hundreds of expert scientists from Harvard, Oxford, and Stanford have fled to Aspen to study what has...

On her rise to fame, A0C and her followers are gearing up to retake the country and save the world!

A0C spawns absolutely feral internet cult

Aja Schiller, News Editor April 5, 2021

SATIRE -- Alexander Occasional-Quartz supporters have hit the internet with the same enthusiasm as elementary school students who have been told they can win a $4 hat in exchange for raising hundreds of...

Health CARE doctors informing a patient that they transplanted a cow heart instead of a human one during hip surgery.

Health CARE saves patients from medical debt despair

Katelyn O'Callaghan, Editor-in-Chief April 5, 2021

SATIRE-- With overcrowded hospitals and lack of medical supplies due to the pandemic, many are now opting out of traditional health care and are turning to the back alley medical clinic, Health CARE. Health...

Romance filled date in Parma, Italy

Best places to travel during spring break

Maya Leshem, Staff Writer April 5, 2021

SATIRE-- This spring break provides everyone with the beautiful opportunity to get out of Aspen and travel the world! Why stay in the house when you could be roaming the streets of Rome or exploring the...

Cheap plane tickets making travel easy, fun, and safe-ish.

Plane tickets are cheaper than ever

Hannah Popish, Design Editor April 5, 2021

With Coronavirus cases rising and vaccines being distributed, travel is on everyone's mind right now. The Snowboarder Scribbler thinks that everyone should book flights now and take advantage of the low...

This years seniors at the Hunger Games ceremony alongside the districts.

Colleges choose students with Hunger Games competition

Stef Wojcik, News Editor April 5, 2021

SATIRE -- As if testing, essay writing, and interviewing wasn’t enough work, students will now be assessed on their survival skills with the first ever College Acceptance Hunger Games (CAHG) to simplify...

AHS teacher ecstatic as students attend class with cameras on.

BREAKING NEWS: AHS students attend class with cameras on

Katelyn O'Callaghan, Editor-in-Chief April 5, 2021

SATIRE-- Thursday at 9 am, AHS students joined their virtual classes with their cameras on and, to the surprise of AHS teachers, kept them on throughout the day. AHS principal Sarah Strasshotdog attributed...

Maury celebrates his saving of time after only signing a contract with one name.

The real story behind Torre’s missing last name

Emily Kinney, Editor-in-Chief April 5, 2021

SATIRE -- Mono. Chair. Unclean. Such celebrities are a sampling of a diverse, successful, fascinating group, united by one common factor; these superstars only need one name for instant global recognition....

The White House is overrun with dogs and animal feces. Gross.

Biden makes White House an animal shelter

Aja Schiller, News Editor April 5, 2021

SATIRE-- Pres. ByeDen’s administration has introduced new infrastructure to America since his inauguration and one of these new changes is his animal shelter. After his two rescued dogs took the internet...

Money Laundering 101 in action as students clean their dirty cash.

Money Laundering 101, a new elective for highschoolers

Brenon Reed, Staff Writer April 5, 2021

SATIRE-- As the school year is coming to an end, new classes are available for the fall semester of 2021. Students are eager to select classes that have never been offered before that provide useful skills...

Top 10 things to go in a breakout room

Andie Sherman, Staff Writer April 5, 2021

SATIRE-- Ever find yourself in a breakout room, practically scratching your eyes out due to boredom. Does your partner have their camera off? Are you even participating? Most likely not. If you ever find...

Load More Stories