The student news site of Aspen High School

THE SKIER SCRIBBLER

The student news site of Aspen High School

THE SKIER SCRIBBLER

The student news site of Aspen High School

THE SKIER SCRIBBLER

The Bee-st Movie Ever

The Bee-st Movie Ever

Marley and Me, The Best Dog Ever April 4, 2024

SATIRE - - - Let’s face it. Many high schoolers are often lonely on Friday nights and turn to movies for relief. The movie they should be turning to is their childhood favorite and the most educational...

No Freedom For The Young

No Freedom For The Young

Marley and Me April 4, 2024

SATIRE --- First, school administrators took away off-campus lunch. Then they took free periods and threatened our cell phones. Now students will no longer be able to drive to school. As of April 1st,...

The Rim AKA No Mans Land

The Rim AKA No Mans Land

Melbourne, Staff Newbie April 4, 2024

SATIRE --- Outside the orderly and peaceful land of the staff and senior parking lot, is an auto-wasteland known as, The Rim. On The Rim, there are no rules, only cutthroat juniors and sophomores fighting...

Can YOU Ski in Stilettos????

Can YOU Ski in Stilettos????

Paris Hilton, A Y2K Baddie April 4, 2024

SATIRE - - - A bold and unexpected move has sent shockwaves through the Aspen High School skiing community. AHS's premier ski race team has announced a radical change to its uniform dress code for the...

Money Laundering 101

Money Laundering 101

Tolkein, Yearbook Specialist April 4, 2024

SATIRE --- Are you nervous about having some extra cash during that upcoming gap year? Want to spice up your life and forget about your dream career that's gonna be replaced by AI anyways? You (and many...

Tips on How to Sneak Your Phone into Class

Tips on How to Sneak Your Phone into Class

Add-A-Line, 4-999 April 3, 2024

SATIRE - - - With the crackdown of the admin on the policy of phones at school, it is looking extremely dire for the presence of little pocket computers at school next year. The screens have produced endless...

New Rent-a-Freshman Initiative Takes Students by Storm

New ‘Rent-a-Freshman’ Initiative Takes Students by Storm

Ry-A-Roo, This One's Going Places April 3, 2024

SATIRE - - Effective next school year, Aspen High School will implement a new ‘Rent-a-Freshman’ initiative. It involves a quick fee waiver of $1000 and a super easy 5,000 word application. Next...

Mountain Expands Opportunities Through Summer Skiing

Mountain Expands Opportunities Through Summer Skiing

Ry-A-Roo, This One's Going Places April 3, 2024

SATIRE - - Announced on early Sunday morning, Feb. 25, 2024, Aspen Company Ski is introducing plans to implement new summer skiing opportunities. Following the irregular snow conditions of the most recent...

Students are Super-Duper Excited about New Rules at AHS

A-ray-of-sunshine, In the Sky April 3, 2024

SATIRE --- We have all been excited to hear about the new additions to the school rules. High Aspen School has announced a new set of rules aimed at maximizing student productivity and academic excellence....

Boe Jiden Abolishes the AARP

Boe Jiden Abolishes the AARP

Tom Cruz, Impersonator April 3, 2024

SATIRE - Octogenarian, Boe Jiden has decided to abolish the AARP - and to the surprise of Gen-Zers across the nation, Mo Ann Benkins, AARP’s CEO, agreed. Ms. Benkins has been CEO of the party for over...

Emotional Support Water Bottles

Emotional Support Water Bottles

Haley Hears a Who, Wolf of Wallstreet April 3, 2024

Water bottles, in the past, were a very useful tool for hydrating on the go. Yet, in 2024 water bottles have become more of an emotional support method. You will find that almost every person carries a...

Mystery Machine in Motion

Satire: The mystery Machine

Lex Lauren, Probomatic Houston April 3, 2024

The Man, The Myth, The Legend of AHS. Who is this you may ask? The thing is, we do not know the man or his name. He is referred to as the Man, The Myth, The Legend. He is also addressed as the Mystery...

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