SATIRE --- After years of enduring an influx of cowboy hats, oversized trucks, and Texas license plates at the forefront of I-70 car crashes, state officials have finally taken action. In a move that has...
SATIRE --- Aspen Snow Corporation, also known as SnowCo, owns all four Aspen mountains and has a very reasonable current stock valuation of only about a hundred times the average Aspen house price, which...
SATIRE --- As the upcoming juniors embark on their course-selection journey, many are stumped when considering IB Lunch HL.
A newly introduced course, IB Lunch HL has caused many to feel hesitant to...
In today’s world, overwhelmed with propaganda and fake news, American citizens are asking for a savior: An entertaining, humorous, and most importantly, reliable news station. Well, fear not people of...
Five students at Always High School (AHS).were taken into custody and 40 were suspended last week in relation to a lip product black market in the girls’ bathrooms after the lip gloss detectors stopped...
Global Warming’s Not-So-Hidden Benefits
Locally, we’ve been experiencing very little snowfall, due to global warming. What many don’t understand is that contrary to the public’s opinion, there...
SATIRE - - - Let’s face it. Many high schoolers are often lonely on Friday nights and turn to movies for relief.
The movie they should be turning to is their childhood favorite and the most educational...
SATIRE --- First, school administrators took away off-campus lunch. Then they took free periods and threatened our cell phones. Now students will no longer be able to drive to school.
As of April 1st,...
SATIRE --- Outside the orderly and peaceful land of the staff and senior parking lot, is an auto-wasteland known as, The Rim. On The Rim, there are no rules, only cutthroat juniors and sophomores fighting...
SATIRE - - - A bold and unexpected move has sent shockwaves through the Aspen High School skiing community. AHS's premier ski race team has announced a radical change to its uniform dress code for the...
SATIRE --- Are you nervous about having some extra cash during that upcoming gap year? Want to spice up your life and forget about your dream career that's gonna be replaced by AI anyways? You (and many...
