SATIRE — After years of enduring an influx of cowboy hats, oversized trucks, and Texas license plates at the forefront of I-70 car crashes, state officials have finally taken action. In a move that has shocked the nation, Governor Polio has announced Operation Go Home, Y’all, a sweeping deportation plan aimed exclusively at undocumented Texans who have overstayed their welcome.
According to state records, Texans now make up 90% of the people clogging up I-70 while attempting to see snow for the first time. Colorado officials say that while they welcome visitors, the sheer volume of Texas transplants trying to “improve” the state has reached unmanageable levels.
“We’re not against visitors,” President Tonald Drump clarified during a press conference with Governor Polio. “But at some point, we had to ask: Is this an invasion? Traffic numbers are at an all-time high. Folks in Aspen especially have taken a true hit from this epidemic. How are they supposed to get billions and billions of dollars from the state to build a new bridge when these funds are instead used to employ all these undocumented Texans who are taking our hard-workin’ Coloradans’ jobs?”
In an effort to ensure a peaceful and efficient return of Texans to their homeland, state officials have devised an approach that they believe will appeal to their sensibilities – a detour on I-25 leading straight to the Texas border.
However, President Drump has publically condemned these plans, claiming that Colorado’s approach is too “soft” and doesn’t follow America’s “ethically righteous procedures” for deportation.
“This plan is a complete disaster without proper protocol,” President Drump recently argued during an interview with FAUX news. “Where’s ICE? Where’s Border Patrol? You can’t fix this mess without traditional values. We need reliable solutions – put my good buddy Melon Usk in charge of it! This guy knows how to get sh*t done. You can trust us to make Colorado great again.”
President Drump has since overridden Governor Polio’s authority and is in complete control of Operation Go Home, Y’all. Congress quickly came out to declare this move illegal, citing the constitutional separation of powers and the overreach of federal authority. Drump fought back, claiming that his actions were patriotic and “less illegal than undocumented Texans, so it is A-okay.”
Operation Go Home, Y’all is still in its early phases, and Coloradans remain optimistic that they may one day reclaim their highways and ski mountains. It is up in the air whether Operation Go Home, Y’all will truly clear the state’s roadways or escalate the conflict into a new kind of traffic nightmare. As Drump continues his far-from-legal intervention, Coloradans are quietly hoping that a lack of Texas license plates will result in a little less traffic, a little less cowboy spirit, and a lot fewer jean-wearing skiers.