“Comparison is the thief of joy” may seem like such a simple statement at first, but it hits hard when you realize how accurate it is.

I’ve always been compared by others to my siblings and their vast achievements. My sister is an academic scholar who has maintained a perfect GPA since her freshman year of high school, and is now a junior at university studying biology. My brother, on the other hand, is athletically inclined and recently signed to be a D2 football player at Colorado Mesa University. He participates in any sport he can fit in with his time, and he consistently impresses everyone.

On many occasions, I’ve been asked, “Why aren’t you like your brother?” and, “Damn, what happened to you?” Because of this, I’ve always been under the impression that I’m the sibling with nothing going for me.

It’s almost impossible to ignore the spotlight that shines on my siblings as well as those around me. I can’t help but undergo the feelings of frustration and self-doubt. As the youngest sibling, I also feel left out of many things they do together. I was never able to socialize with them as they were able to with each other. As people say, there’s always a duo in a trio. Growing up, all I ever heard was my parents talking about my siblings’ accomplishments. I don’t know what my strengths are; I’m searching for my spark.

I don’t live a bad life, but there’s nothing that I excel in. I don’t have a big friend group, but I have many different friends from different groups. I have decent grades, and I’m mildly involved in the school. But I want to find where I am proficient, and what my passions could turn into. I’ve tried a variety of activities to discover my passions, but I can’t seem to find anything that works.

I was awarded my first varsity tennis letter this year, but I’m really not that good. There are 13 of us on the team, and 11 of those are varsity spots. Along with this, there was almost never a perfect lineup. We frequently had people missing from the team who were sick or just couldn’t make it work within their schedule. With this, I played the lowest possible position you can play on varsity (doubles four). Tennis is fun, I’m just not that good at it.
Out of all of my friends, I have the lowest GPA. I’ve always been the butt of the academic jokes. People will complain about getting an A- on a test, while I got a C. When we compare our scores, they’ll say something along the lines of, “Yeah, but that’s normal for you,” or even worse, the insincere, “Good job!” It’s a rare occurrence for me to score higher on a test than one of my friends, but when I do, they accuse me of cheating. Am I that dumb?
I’ve realized that the journey to find my spark is just as important as the destination. Just because I haven’t found where I belong doesn’t mean I should stop trying. I’m learning to embrace the process and failure in my journey, and that sets me apart. When I compared my own journey to others, I ended up missing out on the joy of my own. Comparison is the thief of joy. Everything I try is a new step in finding where I belong.

Perhaps my path is just different from my siblings’; I have more of a winding road, while they have a one-way street.