SATIRE– Seniors of AHS, let’s get excited! Prom season is right around the corner, and with the approaching festivities drawing nearer every day, the Antibody Exposé is here to provide all the information you might need to get down without coming down with COVID-19!

The venue of this year’s prom is unprecedented, surprisingly enough. Much to the excitement of head girl Space Romeo, Prom 2021 will be held on the brand new AHS turf!

“We are super lucky to have gotten this location, as it is usually booked by middle schoolers playing kickball,” Romeo told the Antibody Exposé, “When the school spent millions of dollars on a wood chip turf, we were all a bit confused, but now it makes sense! The wood chips will make the perfect dance floor for anyone hoping to wear heels.”

The location is not the only thing promised to be unique about Prom 2021. The actual dancing itself is facing a few revisions, as a sweaty mosh pit isn’t actually COVID safe, prom chairwoman Lauren Reeses Pieces shared with the Skier Scribbler.

“We’ve had a lot of questions regarding why, for example, the basketball team is allowed to breathe on each other and jump around but students at a dance are not. While I do not have an answer for this, I do have some fun suggestions for social distanced dancing,” Reeces Pieces said.

These ideas are as follows: a TikTok dance competition, where each competitor must demonstrate their Renegade in a video that will play on screens for all students to watch or 150 separate “Dance, Dance, Revolution” machines, and the student with the highest score wins a Small Wrap gift card. Another idea gaining traction is line dancing, much like seniors learned how to on fourth grade Pioneer Day. Yee Haw!

Of course, as the typical place and format have been modified, there will have to be an inevitable change to Prom wardrobes. Sarah StraussHotDog and the AHS administration are hoping students will not break the bank and go out to purchase extravagant dresses and suits for the event.

“It is our hope that students come to the event dressed in loungewear; tie dye sweat suits, the t-shirts that work for online school or pajamas, and even dreadfully unwashed hair are all encouraged. We know this is the first time that some people have left their homes in months, so we want the event to be as comfortable for students as possible,” StraussHotDog explained,“In fact, if you are thinking of going out and purchasing a nice outfit for the evening, please instead consider donating that money to the Prom committee to pay for the event…”

No matter what happens, Prom 2021 promises to be an entertaining night. Keep your eyes peeled for Prom court nominees to be announced, as well as information regarding who the DJ will be; it is rumored that the School Board might spring for Pandora Premium instead of a human being! We can’t wait to see you all there!