SATIRE — As if testing, essay writing, and interviewing wasn’t enough work, students will now be assessed on their survival skills with the first ever College Acceptance Hunger Games (CAHG) to simplify the decision process.

Each group of colleges is joining a different district, with Ivy leagues representing the Capitol, and online colleges representing District 12. Students with outstanding performances, with the help of sponsorships of course, will receive their acceptance letters from higher districts shortly after their victory. Though in past years the Hunger Games have been known for the brutal rule of “one survivor only,” The Global Board of Education has decided to give everyone a shot at a postgraduate education, especially given this year’s circumstances.

Beyond basic survival, students will be tasked with completing intense mind games, defeating three headed dogs and other violent creatures, and sheltering from highly destructive weather. Each student is an enemy to the other, meaning no dramatic love story like that of District 12 legends Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. However, there would be little surprise if the District 12 winners of this year end up just as successful as the Capitol winners. The winner of this year’s Hunger Games does not get to dictate the future of the other competitors, your fate is in your own hands.

Best of luck to these fierce competitors, and if you are interested in watching the broadcasted version of this thrilling event, please subscribe to MeTube Premium.