SATIRE– On Tuesday, March 30th, during CREW, AHS students frightened the faculty with a violent protest. Three-hundred students gathered on the beach protesting the controversial CREW period. While the protest was intended to be peaceful, the atmosphere quickly changed when faculty started tear-gassing the students.
The leader and organizer of the protest, Johnny Suspicious, has no regrets about the actions on Tuesday.
“It’s time to take down the establishment. We are taking a stand so future generations will never know the horrors and atrocities of CREW. Viva la Crewolution!” Suspicious screamed.
Once the protest turned violent, police were quick to arrive at the scene. However, there were still 34 injuries and two deaths.
“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing,” Aspen police officer Ay Cab said. “It was barbaric: teachers and students attacking each other like animals. That day will forever haunt me.”
ASD board member, Peach Colton, was furious with the students. She was one of the first board members to bring out the rabid dogs that live in the maze.
“CREW is the pride and joy of AHS. It holds all the American values we cherish, and these kids trying to take that away makes me SICK. Make AHS great again,” Colton said.