SATIRE– Aspen School district has had a deficit of social experience and connection since the beginning of Covid in March 2020.

The pandemic has limited many students from finding successful connections. At Aspen Elementary and Aspen Middle School, there is no need to worry, as there is a light at the end of the tunnel. An app, invented by… supports students that are having a hard time. Introducing the Kinder app, an app where all kids can connect and become social.

This app is quite easy, students download the app onto their flip phones and have the ability to see other students that go to their school. Students can put up to three photos of themselves, a place in the school where they like to hang out, a hobby, and a genuine picture showing their true selves- braces and pimples make the picture more genuine. Users also have the choice to put in a bio. One student in 4th grade, North West, says he has never found a better app.

“After playing Fortnite and eating Cheetos in my room for two years straight I came back to school this year feeling very genuine. I tried to make friends in the cafeteria by raiding their loot and asking them to give me more loot to revive me. The other 4th graders did not take it well when I tried to steal their prison-like trays of food,” West said.

North West then found himself hiding in the dirty docks of the theater room by himself, when he saw a student sitting by themselves in the theater room on her phone. He took out Kinder and matched her in a matter of seconds.

“I now get to loot peoples’ food at the cafeteria with my newly best friend Karen. We have found even more kids that started on Kinder, and now we have enough to have a battle royale during and between our classes,” said West.

This new connection app for kids has allowed students to become much more sociable in their own odd and genuine ways. But, do not forget the K and the beginning of Kinder,as there has been a lot of reports of 3rd and 6th graders messing up the wording and downloading the incorrect app. Stay safe and keep swiping right friends.