SATIRE– Recently, the conservative news site Faux News unveiled a new Equity Campaign, where they recognized that although in the past, they have shown discriminatory behavior on the basis of gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, age, and disability, they will now right their wrongs by covering stories with less bias and recognize the separation between religion, political ideology, and accurate information.

Faux’s first feminist gay news anchor, Angleina LaPaige, was hired as an initiative of the Equity Campaign. LaPaige reflects on how the transition has been hard, Faux News is working to make their workplace more inclusive.

“It’s been difficult for the people here to accept me,” said LaPaige in an interview. “At first they accused me of being ‘satanic’ and promoting the ‘murder of babies’ (what they call abortion), but hey, the health insurance is good!”.

Faux News has been described as having a positive bias toward the Republican Party of the United States, but they’re new diversity hire means it’s all forgiven! No worries that the news agency has convinced it’s viewers that climate change is the liberals targeting “white supremacist culture”, or spread racist propaganda across the globe, they have a gay reporter!

Accused of worshiping the nation’s 45th President, Dump, or choosing gun rights over the safety of their children, Faux News’ Chairman, Old EggHead, says that the media company is “moving in a new direction”. When asked about why they promoted babies having more rights than women, EggHead responded that, “This generation is too sensitive…women should be forced to have babies because it’s just what God wanted.”

Living in a world of fake news and political propaganda, it can be difficult to receive news free of misinformation. However, Faux News assures us that they are the “most reliable news network in America,” which is obviously true, despite the fact that the majority of their reporting is seen as racist, sexist, homophobic, ableist and xenophobic by the majority of the Earth. The media site has even been caught promoting things that they directly contradict, such as telling their viewers to not get vaccinated when more than 90% of their employees are vaccinated, but at least they are trying to feed the public less lies!

Faux’s Equality Campaign aims to make the media company more “inclusive”. To hear more about the campaign, we interviewed a company member who preferred to remain anonymous and was allegedly “forced” to participate in the campaign.

“The campaign is stupid. Obviously the BLM movement is an attack on police, and global warming is fake news,” the anonymous company member responded.

According to an anonymous survey taken by 1,000 members of the media group, 80% said that the Equityity Campaign was having “no change” in the workplace, and 90% described the new hire, Angleina LaPaige, in a series of homophobic and sexist slurs.

It seems that besides the Equity Campaign and Faux New’s various attempts at inclusivity, their conservative political ideologies and close minded views on religion have made it difficult for the media company to cover anything but propaganda, but at least they have good healthcare!