SATIRE– Two weeks ago the Aspen Low School, and the NARC cracked down on student parking. Reasons as to why…the ALS administration and NARC were watching too much reality TV, and felt like creating drama. Which they definitely did– the drama was so intense it turned violent.
The violence first began with the parking attendant ticketing, and booting cars february 10th. After students received an email from the administration learning that if they did not move their cars from the AMS parking lot, they’d be booted, a stampede of students rushed down from ALS and began attacking the parking attendant. A full on dog pile covered the attendant and she was later rushed to the ER after receiving numerous injuries.
However, the violence did not end here. Following the incident on the 10th, students avoided parking at AMS for a few days, until they returned. At 8:30am on February 13th, the first student was hit. An unidentified female hit Da Big Kid, as he was trying to save a spot in the rim around the parking lot for Astroworld.
“It was so intense,” said Da Big Kid as he was interviewed at Aspen Hill Hospital. “I was just standing there, and a massive truck came roaring towards me, and suddenly I was at AHH.”
This is one instance of a stream of violent attacks, like the group of students with Donald Dump Masks, that jumped a parking attendant ticketing at the NARC. This has instilled a deep fear in many, starting the trend, “RFTA if you HAVETA.”
RFTA if you HAVETA’s spokesperson, Karen, said, “To prevent the violence we must move to drastic measures, which includes using the public teletransport system RFTA. Although it is not ideal, it is the only was to protect the members of our community and end this violence.”
Unfortunately, the NARC and ALS refused to comment on the situation, promoting further violence.