SATIRE –To account long lunch lines at AHS, lunch has been shortened down to 5 minutes, the first change in the 2021-2022 schedule all year. This controversial change has resulted in boycotts and riots from the AHS student body.

Straussboss has opposing opinions compared to the Aspen Skiers. While the majority of AHS Skiers despise the new schedule change, Straussboss is in favor of this new change.

“Students altogether have 25 minutes of ample passing time in between each class. Why waste valuable learning time in the middle of the day? I don’t see the difference with eating during your passing periods…” Strausboss said.

Despite the commonly held belief that the biggest issue students have with the schedule change is the limited time to eat; the majority of students are upset about the lack of time to converse. Lily Buffet, a freshman at AHS, sets food aside and speaks up about the restricted time to socialize.

“Many high schoolers have experienced the long lunch lines, which already make it impossible to get a gatorade and chocolate chip cookie from the cafe, then sit down and converse with your friends in the commons. Although, I don’t mind the long lunch lines if it means I can still be with my friends. Without a lunch period at all, I have no time at school to talk to my senior boyfriend,” Buffet said.

This issue has expanded outside of the campus. Emily Greedy, a sophomore at AHS, has been at the Aspen Police Department since January 24, 2022. She boycotted the cafe and attempted to break into the teacher lounge so she wouldn’t have to wait in the lunch line. This failed, as she was shortly arrested after Cam the Criminal, came in.

“I was hungry and furious. I broke into the teachers’ lounge and saw the massive amount of chocolate chip cookies they had just sitting on the table. I was about to grab one, but police officer Cam the Criminal came in right away and busted me,” Greedy said.

Nobody knows when we will get our lunch back. As of now, we can only hope that Strausboss gives us our mid-day social time back.