Everybody loves ice cream. However, sadly some of you just don’t love the right ones. So here is your ice cream horoscope. If you’re easily offended, stop reading here before it’s too late.

Vanilla: Your life is just as boring as this flavor of ice cream. Bland and old fashioned, you’re either a middle-aged man with rent and child support due, or you are at your little cousin’s birthday party if you voluntarily choose this overrated flavor. Take a risk and try something new. You’ll thank me later when you’ve expanded your flavor profile.

Birthday Cake: Personally, I think birthday cake is absolutely foul. Birthday cake ice cream is not the way to make up for your traumatic childhood. What is wrong with you, honestly. If this is your favorite flavor, you might want to work this problem out in Therapy Respectfully grow up.

Rainbow Sherbert: You’re either 5 years old or have horrendous ADHD and think “oooh the colors are stimulating.” Also the color this flavor will turn your tongue will cause you severe PTSD. If you enjoy this, please stay away.

Bubblegum/Cotton Candy: Never had it, don’t plan on it, not worth it. Save your time and try real bubble gum. It exists and is a lifetime cheaper than this frozen rip off.

Cookies and Cream: Cookies and cream is absolutely delectable. If you enjoy Cookies and Cream Ice Cream, I love you. That’s all I have to say.

Rum Raisin: No, this is just a no. Nobody likes raisins in the first place so why would you mix rum and raisins… then proceed to put it into an ice cream. Perfectly good way to ruin ice cream.

Chocolate: If chocolate is your favorite, you need to be humbled. Why do you think you’re better than everyone else just simply because you like chocolate ice cream? Pipe down (although at least you’re better than vanilla) .

Black Licorice: If you even like black licorice in general, you must be somewhat deranged, it isn’t even good. If this is your favorite flavor, you might want to work out this problem in Therapy.

Neapolitan: If you’re still not happy with the choices of three different ice creams in one, you are a little selfish and you just shouldn’t eat the ice cream anyways. Definitely overrated, too much going on.

Pistachio: You have probably never actually had pistachio ice cream for a reason. However, if you do enjoy it, you are a crazy cat lady that stays at home 24/7 and eats it out of the tub with a fork. Respect.

Strawberry: A personal childhood classic, especially if it has the little chunks of strawberry. I recommend.

Cookie Dough: Sometimes the cookie dough bits are too stiff and uncomfortable; it just throws off the whole texture all together. Ice cream and chunks do not mix well. If you like cookie dough you definitely wear glasses.

Coffee: You’re a mom getting off of your 9-5, deciding to treat yourself while you binge watch Grey’s Anatomy with your weird small dog. Also, why not just drink an actual coffee?