SATIRE – The recent news of current decision-making man Baugh Baugh Black Sheep relinquishing the Aspen School District leaves the community with questions. WHY would he leave us? WHAT is more important than deciding when the district will get a late start (never a snow day)?
There is a rumor going around that Baugh Baugh is abandoning the Aspen School district to work for CSVA, but this is a narrative created by Baugh Baugh himself. The real reason that Baugh Baugh is forsaking the school district is because he has finished collecting data. The truth is that Baugh Baugh is a mad scientist who has been conducting an experiment on the people of the school district behind closed doors. Over the past four years, Baugh Baugh has been utilizing a weather machine to collect data on how much snow is needed for the community to pine for a snow day. This of course greatly benefits Baugh Baugh because he gets optimal snow to ski on while everyone else is at school.
“This project has been a long time coming and I’m excited to get back to the lab and process my data,” Baugh Baugh said.
While Baugh Baugh mentioned that he is excited to get the results of his experiment, the community has feelings of its own on Baugh Baugh’s sudden leave. AHS assistant principal Burger Oliver has worked closely with Baugh Baugh during the past four years of his decision-making run.
“I think that this really surprised all of here at the district, it now makes sense why he always has a certain interest in the science department, I’m still wondering why he insisted on keeping all of the science classrooms frigid,” Oliver said. “This news makes me question all of my staff and interactions I’ve had my whole time working here.”
Although the community may be concerned about the prospect of partaking in an underground experiment, in other words being a guinea pig, the results of Baugh Baghs data can give us valuable insight into one of the most important issues that faces our school today: going to school when it should be a snow day. AHS 11th-grade student has observed shifts since Baugh Baugh announced his abandonment.
“ Since he announced this news [abandoning the district] we have already had a full snow day, I am so so so excited for the future of the district cause I want more snow days,” said the 11th-grade student.
