SATIRE – – Effective next school year, Aspen High School will implement a new ‘Rent-a-Freshman’ initiative. It involves a quick fee waiver of $1000 and a super easy 5,000 word application. Next thing you know, a freshman will attend SET, complete an assignment, or meet with your teacher, all especially for you. No more forward planning, no more stress, just have a new freshman figure it out for you. Because everyone knows, life is better when others do it all for you.
Juniors and Seniors must check into their homeroom in order to be counted for attendance by their SET teacher. Next, you must go to the office and check your pass in, sign an obligation waiver detailing legal liability, and sign out a freshman of your choice.
Some parents voiced their concerns about the effectiveness of this strategy and why the school should be implementing it in the first place. In response, Principal Strasshotdog insisted upon its positive impacts and invaluable opportunity.
“This program allows freshmen to inherently learn about the importance of responsibility whilst developing bonds with upperclassmen. For the so-called ‘renters’, they are able to balance their workload so ideally while that freshman attends SET or finishes one assignment, there is available time to work on other priorities/projects.”
A similar program was recently implemented in schools within our valley such as Bapepper High School and Roaring Spoon High School which introduced ‘rent-a-freshman’ to stand in the lunch line as well as discussion of ‘rent-a-freshman’: Parking Space Holder Edition.
Other members of the faculty are revealing concerns for the freshmen themselves to stay up to date with their workload while helping the program.
In response, Strasshotdog explained, “The requirement for one to participate in the renting process is maintaining all grades above 85% on both ends. That way, the students are focusing on their academic integrity while creating room to engage with classmates and diversify their perspective of what it looks like to be in others’ shoes.”
If interested in this program and/or looking to get a sneak peek into what the application process looks like, contact Strasshotdog at definitelytherealprincipalofAHS.org/.com.