Many of the students at Aspen High School believe that the food they receive from the so-called “Chef Jeff” is tasty as well as relatively healthy, but what they’re about to find out is shocking.

In a recent report lead by the head of the science department, students found out that the food is actually sub-par quality and overpriced.

“I couldn’t believe that a chicken sandwich wasn’t four dollars!” says outraged student Jamie Stor. “This is an injustice to mankind.”

As commotion built from the recent reports, a question was voiced by a local Junior and revolutionary speaker. “Where did chef Jeff get his culinary certification anyway? I was already fooled by Dr. Dre, and when I found out he didn’t have a P.H.D. you can bet I sent him a strongly voiced letter of my general disapproval. And now this joker tries to walk in and sell me food for three years before I notice he is a common pickpocket….well I’ll be darned!”

The anonymity of the previous speaker was requested due to the nature of his/her statement.

Many students are also finding that their food is not composed of the requested substance, but upon closer look the food is revealed to be made of shredded homework that was supposedly “graded” by Kirk Gregory.

An interview was scheduled to verify this information but Kirk declined and said, “The skier scribbler staff is as incompetent at reporting as they are ugly… no further questions.”

Representatives from the National Association of Lunchroom and Cafeteria Inspection Units are scheduled to thoroughly inspect the quality of AHS’s food. If Kirk is proven to have planned his dirty laundry in the kitchen, Superintendent Mohn Jaloy will have him burnt at the stake in a pool of lamb’s blood.

In other news, the special for the month of April will be lamb.

Nathaniel Karbank was once in a spelling bee. If you would like to reach him, you must be within an arms distance.