SATIRE— As we all know, AHS (Always High School) is always printing friggin packets yo. More specifically, the history department is always printing friggin packets yo. Whether it be the Great Emu War, Pope Gregory IX’s war on cats, or the Cat vs Emu war, teachers Divad City Market, Kayla Koala, Ms. Bro, Tam Tam, and Scott Listen love to print out 3-4 articles for students to analyze. Fortunately for students, AHS officials have said that printer paper is disappearing faster than a dog that has a nice life and unlimited food when it sees an open door. This is, of course, because of the trade war with paper suppliers that was started by DOSCHE (Department of School Efficiency). Unfortunately for students, the history department has a new idea.
“Our ability to print out friggin packets is diminishing,” said Scott Listen, “but we don’t want to use computers, so as a department we pooled all of our money together to buy the Amazon Rainforest. We are going to start making our own paper!”
Although the Amazon rainforest is valued around $10 trillion dollars, the teachers have somehow been able to afford this. Right now, people are speculating that they were able to pay for this as a result of the DOSCHE cuts to unnecessary departments like math.
“We are ecstatic,” said Tam Tam, “I am going to print out around 300 friggin packets tomorrow just to celebrate. I think that they are going to consist of articles about the Great Molasses Flood.”
On the other hand, students are angrier than babies when you tell them they can’t eat tide pods.
“Ts teachers man. Ts friggin packets PMO,” said AHS sophomore Stewart little.
“Just the other day I had to tell a teacher that if she would just get up and teach us instead of handing us a friggin packet yo we would like coming to school. I told her some kids don’t learn like that. You gotta teach us face to face,” said AHS Senior Junior Sophomore.
Unfortunately for students, it seems that the paper shortage has done more harm than good. Now that the history department can cut down as many trees as they want, the future is looking dire.
“We aren’t gonna have a single online article in history anymore. Only friggin packets yo,” said Divad City Market.
