As you all know, the iconic English teacher, Andy “Mr.P” Popinchalk, will be retiring at the end of this school year. The question is what will Mr.P do after 25 years of teaching English at AHS? In a recent interview he told me what he plans on doing, and it’s not what you’d expect.

“On the last day of school, I plan to drive my motorcycle out of the Aspen High School parking lot and on over to Syria to battle ISIS,” said Mr.P, “ A lot of people don’t know this, but before teaching I was a deadly assassin for the IRA in Ireland. I was known for hitting my victims on the kneecaps with a hardcover book; the term ‘kneecaping’ actually was created by me. I was also known for being able to outdrink anyone in the pubs, and also for quoting Yeats and James Joyce more correctly than anyone.”

When asked if he knew it was impossible to ride his motorcycle from Aspen to Syria, as there are several bodies of water in between the two places, he responded by saying, “I have Scooby Doo Floaties for my bike, duh.”

Next year, instead of dishing out D’s on students’ papers, he will be shooting at ISIS agents in the heat of the Syrian dessert. When asked if his skills were still up to par after 25 years of teaching, he responded with a laugh.

“Of course they are still up to par I ‘take care of’ any student who doesn’t double space their papers.”