THE ARCTIC CIRCLE–“Do I look fat in all this fur?” Oslo the polar bear asked. “I know I have gained a few extra pounds recently and I have gotten pale but I’m working on it.”

For years a group of polar bears living in the Arctic Circle have distinguished themselves as avid advocates of global warming and have held multiple protests. This group, who call themselves the Polar Activists, have spent five of their 15 precious years living trying to expose the dangers of climate change and have finally decided to stop wasting their energy.

“A famous philosopher once said, ‘if no one is listening, stop yelling you stupid animal,’” Oslo said. “The holes in the ozone layer have made it possible for me to get that perfect tan and all the increased temperatures have helped me shed a few pounds.”

With all his newfound free time, the Polar Activists has taken up competitive diving, swimsuit competitions, and various tanning sessions. So the next time you see a brown bear cruising through your neighborhood, take a second look, it may just be a tan polar bear.