SATIRE — Aspen High School has reached a new level of anarchy, and efforts by the administration have left one senior suspended. Last week AHS senior, Adam Smith, looked at a freshman in a rude way.

“I was dozing off in class and started thinking about the neverending pile of work that continues to accumulate around me, and that’s when my face turned sour. Unfortunately, a freshman was at the other end of my gaze, and was immediately offended by my cruel glare,” Smith said.

The teacher was immediately notified of the hazing plot and Smith was taken out of class. Parents were called and the local police department came to interrogate Smith. Bobby Rupert, the victim of this incident has now taken a week from school to recover, but sources suggest he may never regain the same confidence as before the incident.

“He is very shaken up by this incident. We are doing everything we can to restore his confidence, including sending him to Hawaii to recuperate and buying him anything he wants, but he is just too sensitive right now,”  Mrs. Rupert said.

The school is also taking extreme measures to ensure no freshman ever feels victimized again.

“This is a significant case and we are taking it very seriously. We want to ensure that when our students leave this school they feel as safe as possible. When we are done working, every senior will reever every freshman with such extreme respect found nowhere else except maybe between a civilian and his king. These kids may not be prepared for the real world but someone else will deal with that, right?” AHS principal, Steve Nunes said.

The school district plans shutting down and will no longer serve as a K-12 school. Instead it will reopen as a large playground where everyone wears the same outfits and sing kumbaya.