SATIRE– As Landy Chalk’s occupation as a professor of literature came to a close, he became distraught by the threats to his home and future living conditions. Turns out, Chalk had every right to be afraid. The AfterGen group that is tailored to millennials’ needs had asked the local government to remove all non-productive oldsters from their housing units and the city council agreed to give the AfterGen everything they wanted.

During a newspaper interview last week, while Chalk’s three cats were being escorted out of his former home, he was happy to give advice on English to the people of Aspen for a small fee to support his future living expenses.

“Drop a dollar for every line quoted by Shakespeare,” read Chalk’s paper sign. He was sitting on the mall in Aspen and used his ski hat for contributions.

“I mean the move wasn’t bad. I have a new home here on the streets, everything is normal.”

His wife, Carolyn Keels, explained that their time working in the community was probably a waste, given this turn of events.

“Although I shed my blood and sweat for those kindergarteners, the 34 years I worked in the school district were absolutely pointless. I probably deserve to be without a home,” she said.

After speaking with the now homeless former teachers, an AfterGen representative, who asked not to be identified in this article, spoke to his view.

“Yeah, okay they put a lot into the community, but we youngsters should have the right do whatever we want,” said the 30-something local.

AfterGen was able to buy up all of the housing units owned by the senior citizen crowd, anyone over the age of 40 by: Dipping into their trust funds, selling their Porsches and renting out rooms above the garage of their parents’ mansions.

Many members promise to put the newly acquired housing to better use than how it was being used by Aspen retirees.