SATIRE — The 2019 Aspen campaign for city council is skipping into gear as Racel Ricardo, Jif, Lindor Manican, Skippy, and Burnt Merin fight for a spot for mayor. Skippy and Jif are front runners and are both leading by approximately 50 votes, and they seem to be running rather smoothly. The other candidates think it’s a little nutty but even when things get crunchie, the two consistently succeed.

“What can I say? I’m just the next best thing after sliced bread,” Skippy said.

Lindor Manican is pretty upset with the whole situation.

“I just don’t understand how the two teams are doing so well! I might be jammed with work but I feel like I’ve been running ‘rather smoothly too,’” Manican said. “Maybe we should do a private investigation, their probably hiding something.”

Burnt Merin enlisted the help of a professional, Mrs. Honey. After a couple of weeks of investigation, Mrs. Honey discovered a sticky situation. Jif is a false identity that Skippy was using to try to get ahead! He was jamming the system to get more votes to win no matter what! The spread of events was insane but Skippy and Jif were both kicked out of the campaign. While Skippy and Jif are jelly, the other candidates are joyfully singing, “peanut, peanut butter! And jelly!”