SATIRE — Friday – 8:03 AM: Sarah Strauss-hotdog’s voice comes on over the loudspeaker announcing that there are only two more minutes until class starts. Not wanting to be late, students hastily finish their breakfasts and conversations and rush out of the Commons. Meanwhile, teachers enjoy their last little bit of coffee in their offices to mentally prepare themselves for the final day of the week.  

8:07 AM: Teachers finally force themselves out of the peace and quiet of their offices. Not needing to rush since it’s a Friday and nobody will be attending their classes anyway, they begin to walk leisurely to their rooms. Shmoey Shmiedzic is feeling especially unmotivated as he walks into his first period, completely prepared to put on a random movie for his inevitably half full class.

8:08 AM: Shmoey walks sleepily into class, drops his laptop, and heads over to the media cabinet to start a movie before even looking up at his students. When he finally does look out at his class, he is shocked; every single student sits in their assigned seats, alert and excited to learn. Perfect attendance on a Friday was unheard of, especially in the middle of ski season. A sudden feeling of unease comes over Shmoey and he rushes back to his office. Internally wishing that he would have made a lesson plan, Shmoey grabs the first thing he sees on his desk – a Spanish dictionary.

8:10 AM: Walking confidently back into class, Shmoey announces that they are going to be deepening their understanding of the Spanish language by reading the dictionary.

9:50 AM: After making it through first and second periods with completely full classes, the teachers get together during access to discuss the unusual events of the morning.

“I’m telling you, it’s obviously a prank. I mean why else would all the students be here on a Friday, looking like they actually want to learn,” Dr. Dre Wilson said at the meeting.

“Well, it isn’t funny. I had put a lot of time planning a work day for my students, but they wanted to learn instead. Since when do they enjoy learning?” Jen Ben added. “I mean they usually love work days. They can catch up on work, while I binge watch Netf– I mean, catch up on emails.”

3:20 PM: After a busy day actually teaching, teachers silently pray that next Friday will return to the empty, unmotivated ghost town that they’ve grown so accustomed to.