SATIRE-ASPEN HIGH SCHOOL, CO — AHS senior Billiams has been hospitalized after a dance-off between JV and Varsity math classes.

The incident happened Thursday morning after Varsity member, Judy Sanchez, screamed down the math hallway in the middle of class, “Dance off!” JV teacher Leenie Naptime is said to have quickly responded by gathering her JV students and beginning a count off. “A one-two, one-two-three, GO!” In pairs of two, JV members tap danced out of the classroom as they glared at the already assembled Varsity students. JV proudly boasted their newest member, Slope Boy, who has recently joined them.

“Gaining Snow Boy was a huge win for the JV math community”, JV member Lama Lamont said, “It has really taken a toll on Varsity’s confidence.”

Billiams, a varsity math member, was one of the initial members to join in the dance-off.

“It was all fun and games until JV started the cha-cha slide,” Biliams said.

Member of the D1 recruits, Achoo Rigney, spoke about the incident.

“I heard yelling from outside my Stanford math classroom and just knew that JV and Varsity were at it again,” Rigney said. “At one point, C team peaked their heads out of Corn on the Shrob’s class and couldn’t figure out what was happening. They looked at each other in confusion and stumbled back into the room to practice their multiplication tables,” Rigney told reporters after the incident.

Outraged by JV’s synchronized dance to Old Town Road, Varsity members stormed the hall towards JV as many JV members, including alum, Kratum, fought back. Members of nearby classes described the incident as a “manic reign of terror”. There were multiple injuries that were caused by the dance battle, yet only one required immediate medical attention. Due to her injuries, Billiams has fallen behind in Varsity math and will be beginning JV next week.

“I am so proud of all of the hard work on and off the dance floor that my JV students put forth. We have proved our dominance once again”, said Naptime.

*Updates to follow.