SATIRE – Krent State Gun Girl, Katie Bonnet, Becomes Socialist in Lieu of free diapers.

Recently, the 2020 Presidential Candidate, Hernia Panders, has added the push for free adult diapers to his political agenda. As a 78-year-old man, Sanders has come to know just how useful and necessary adult diapers can be, especially for America’s geriatric population. Panders’ movement seems unnecessary to many, but has gained him a lot of traction with voters aged 70 and up, and surprisingly radical conservatives.

Bonnett, commonly referred to as ‘Poopy Pants’ has suffered the constant embarrassment of pooping her pants in her 20s. As you may know, Bennett has much concern surrounding public restrooms, despite her dismissal of their use. Free diapers would allow Bennett to soil herself, without the social-emotional toll this has taken on her in the past.

“The first time I s@$t my pants, the restroom was occupied by a trans person, and it was my last resort. I enjoyed it\; however, I believe being bullied by my peers has caused my trans and homophobia,” Bennett said.

Alex Smithsonian, a previous interviewee of Bennet was harassed by her for being an ally. When asked if transitioning persons should be allowed to use any restroom, he responded:

“People should be allowed to use the restroom they identify with,” Smith said.

Following this comment, Bennet began a one-side argument bashing Smith and the LGBTQ+ community. Weeks later, Bonnett has realized socialist policies, such as free diapers, largely benefit radical conservatives and may even create a more tolerant America.

“I believe if I became accepted by peers I would no longer resent members of the LGBTQ+ community,” Bennett added, “It was just easier for me to generalize and blame a group of people than to accept personal responsibility.”

As Panders saw a spike in his poll numbers following his policy changes, he took to twitter to comment.

“I am once again asking for your financial support,” Panders commented.