SATIRE — Due to COVID-19, Don Trunk has added to the national list of event cancellations to help follow the stay at home guidelines. On Saturday, April 11th, President Trunk delivered a speech regarding the new termination of activities and jobs in time for the Easter celebrations.

“I regret to inform you that we have canceled the Easter bunny,” Trunk said during his speech. “It is likely that we’ll be stopping all Easter egg hunts; however, there will be one hundred chocolate eggs delivered to any innovative next-gen kid who can cure COVID-19.”

Later in his speech, Trunk gave startling news that he asked the tooth fairy to not visit any kids during this uncertain time. He also met with Santa Claus and the Sand Man.

“After a long meeting with Santa, he reports that he intends to cancel all Christmas celebrations,” Trunk said. “But, those who celebrate Passover, Hannuka, and Quanza plan to continue their celebrations over Zoom calls!”

Some holidays are being spared, though, including some of Mr. Trunk’s favorites.

“Thankfully, we will still be having the 4th of July celebrations; however, they will be postponed to August 20th,” Trunk said. “June 29th’s Hug Holiday, as well as National Hand Shake Day on the last Thursday of June, will remain where they are but we’ve asked to bring forward National Handwashing day to April 30th instead of October 15th.”

Though it is challenging to hear such news, Trunk is confident that with a bit of cooperation, COVID-19 will be gone in no time.
“Really, I think the holiday experts need a little break, but I guess we can blame that on COVID-19 too,” Trunk said.