Lack of subs leaves students alone in classroom


Photo by Sarah ward

AHS students causing chaos in the classroom while there are no teachers.

SATIRE–Due to the shortage of substitute teachers in ASD, the administration has been forced to leave students alone in classrooms.

However, in many AHS classes, there has been chaos, leading to controversy over the decision to leave students without a teacher, and ASD has been forced to seek police intervention.

In the ProStart cooking class, students were found cooking bread, but unfortunately made a mistake on the recipe, adding too much yeast. The bread rose to the size of a school bus and filled the classroom.

“This bread is a national weapon, worse than any nuclear bomb. We need to arrest these students immediately,” President ByeDen said Thursday. “They are a danger to our country.”

In Aviation, students took off in the Diamond D-40 planes used for flight training, flying to Australia.

“We took a snorkeling trip to the Great Barrier Reef,” said AHS student Pilot Peter Pilot. “But I got stung by a Portugese man o’ war.”

Famed astronaut Lou Legstrong tweeted that AHS students were “his biggest inspiration” after flying across the world. Peter responded with a laughing emoji and blocked Legstrong, calling him “another dumb spam acount”.

In Literature and Composition, students acted out the entire Othello book, creating a 4 hour long movie that garnered the attention of Broadway stars.

“This is the most incredible play I have seen in my life,” Hamilton star Tin Man Miranda said. Miranda then broke into song. “Let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the door!”

In Spanish class, students learned Italian from the app Duolingo, but were later arrested after mispronouncing the word Prego (you’re welcome) as “you’re pregnant.”

“This is why I never let my students use translators. You see what happens?” AHS Spanish teacher Salad Bregginelli said.

AHS has voiced regrets over the chaos of the past week, and has offered a higher pay rate for substitute teachers by selling pirated recordings of the Othello play.

“I am sincerely sorry for what happened this week,” AHS principal Sarah Strasshotdog said on the Snowboard TV broadcast. “We need more subs. If you sub, you can even have the giant bread.”

With this offer, over 2 million people have now applied to be a substitute teacher at AHS. However, a national emergency has been declared due to the riots caused by people fighting over the giant bread loaf.

“Everyone, it is ok, I have the answer to all of our problems,” President ByeDen said. ByeDen then held up a poster that read “Be Calm and Bread on,” leading to world peace.