Pluto IS a Planet

SATIRE– Since 2006, Pluto has been struggling with its planetary identity. Much of the world’s population has listened to “science” or whatever, saying that Pluto isn’t an actual planet but rather a dwarf planet.

Pluto, on the other hand, doesn’t believe that to be true about itself. According to the Internationally Astronomical Idiots, a planet is defined as a round object that orbits the sun.

Now, obviously, Pluto is a square, not round, and it actually orbits around the planet Uranus. But nonetheless, it should be respected as what it would like to be referred to as.

The disrespect shown towards Pluto from not only scientists but the dingbats that believe those scientists is outrageous. No matter the look of the planet, the movement of the planet, or any other characteristics about it, Pluto should still be able to be identified as whatever it would like to be identified as.

Because of the blatant disregard that everyone has against Pluto’s planetary identity, Pluto has decided to revolt. The PLANET has decided to rally and gather all the stars, as well as Uranus, Jupiter, and Mars, to simultaneously explode all at the same time so that the message comes across clearly.

It’s abundantly clear that Pluto, the PLANET is very upset about this. It has announced that once it is respected amongst the entire Milky Way Galaxy, that it, as well as all of the stars and the other planets that combusted, will un-combust and come back to the Lunar System as they should be.

So, if everyone reading this could please also spontaneously combust to continue fighting against dumb people calling themselves “educated” and “scientists” and crucifying Pluto for wanting to choose its own planetary identity, that would be much appreciated.