SATIRE – On June 24, 2022, the Divided States Subordinate Court overturned Row. v. Wad, effectively dismantling an American citizen’s right to an abortion. However, this decision neglected to reflect the desire of its citizens, with a new study showing that 99.9% of Americans do not approve of this law. 75% of those who disapprove advocate for a retraction of the overturning, an anonymous responder from this group reported that they “would rather live under British rule, as even a monarchy would be more democratic than the Divided States.” Political scientists predict that the overturning of Row is only a segment of a right-wing plan to reverse equality and progressive gains in economic, social, racial, and gender advancement, in order to create a society of Aryan men.

The new Anti-Women Act which will go into effect on June 24, 2023, marks the anniversary of when Row. v. Wad was overturned and will ban abortion nationwide, punishable by death. The Anti-Women Act works to further this Aryan agenda and reflects the opinion of less than 1% of Americans, the majority of an age demographic that will not even live to see the law go into effect. `

By enacting the Anti-Women Act which bans abortion across the nation, we have been able to increase homelessness by 110% and crime by 500%. Additionally, women no longer have autonomy over their own bodies and are used only for child-bearing, as intended by our white, straight lord and savior Jesus Christ (even though in reality he’s Palestinian Jewish). Childbirth has also become the number one cause of death among women aged 5-100, with those over 100 usually dying from old age. As black, poor women suffer the most from this act, we have also strengthened systemic racism and sexism. This has made life much more difficult for minorities and has even plunged the USA into the 2024 Depression. This Depression is, of course, what God intended as a punishment for anyone that had an abortion before this bill. Killing children is a sin, despite the fact that 100 percent of abortions occur in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy and thus the fetus is not yet a child, and childbirth has a 1000 times higher risk of death than that abortion.

Despite the overwhelming success of the Anti-Women Act, protests have broken out across the US, and even internationally in favor of women’s rights. Although those on the left argue that it is “their body, their choice,” the GOP, despite the fact that it was founded after the Democratic Party. The GOP also argues using communist logic that “freedom is chaos”, however, the Republican Party does, obviously, allow freedom of choice when it comes to the bodily matters of wearing a mask and vaccination, as these issues are a “completely different matter as they concern both women and men.”

This is only the first of a set of legislation enacted in order to purify the Nation into a society of Aryan men in order to reflect the composition of our best, more successful society that of solely the Founding Fathers, whose parents had just recently died of the plague. Of course, the citizens that believe this are not homosexual, despite the fact that their driving desire is to live in a country filled solely with men and to spend all of their time with men.

“It is not in any way homoerotic that we have no huge sexual attraction to women and only use them for childbearing. Men are just hugely superior in every way”*, former-president Dumb Turnip explains while passionately kissing the love of his life, Mark Pencil.

Only time will tell the future implications of the Anti-Women Act, however, we can only hope that future implications will be more optimistic of the future than a Depression, or the creation of an Aryan, communist American.

*More advanced grammar was added to this quote to make Dumb Turnip appear more intelligent.