Jews Step Away from “Jews R Us” and into the World of “Jesus and Me”


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ASPEN– The Jewish community of Aspen might be a small one, yet a strong presence in the town. However, the synagogue, Jews R Us, hours changed to only 6 a.m. to 6 p.m., due to adolescents consuming too much challah and Manischewitz during the prayer and passing out before the bema. Because of this time change, the children of the orthodox community who were involved in this incident are boycotting the Jewish beliefs by moving onto the new testament.

The new members of the church, Jesus and Me, are respectably attending the bible studies held Tuesdays and Thursdays from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. Contrary to popular belief, Harry Kahnukkah, Carson Israel, Dreidel Fox, and Olivia Orthodoxenhorn are not only going to take a stand, but also truly show interest in the bible.

“Jesus is G*d’s son,” Kahnukkah said, who is now heavily educated on the matter.

The reverend of Jesus and Me has welcomed the Jews into the Christian community by giving them private bible sessions.

“We are all the sons of G*d,” Moses said, “However, after the first session with them, I realized that might not be true. I love how enthusiastic they are, but it can become very overwhelming”

Reverend Moses explained they would jump out of their seats yelling “oh hell no” whenever something new would happen.

“They’re catching on, but there are still some areas to work on such as the cursing, using Jesus’s name in vain and hand motioning a triangle across their face rather than a cross,” Moses said.

They have stepped away from “baruch atah adonai” and into the world of saying grace, and they are loving it.

“It’s so much easier to speak english than Hebrew,” Israel said.

Although they admit they occasionally miss reading the Torah or singing up on the bimah, they are content with their decision to discover the world of Christianity.

“Jews sounds like juice,” Orthodoxenhorn said.

The Jew crew explained that it can be more difficult juggling the Christian religion with athletics and academics than the Jewish religion as it is much more demanding.

“There are too many people in the torah to remember,” Dreidel Fox said.

After relentless hours reading and analysing the bible with Reverend Moses, they are nearing the final chapters of the new testament.

“Jesus is G*d’s son,” Kahnukkah repeated.

To experience the Jews in action, visit Jesus and Me on fourth street, located in the big, brown synagogue.


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