Breaking News: English Department Replaces Class With Feelings Hour

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Breaking News: English Department Replaces Class With Feelings Hour

The all powerful feelings stick

The all powerful feelings stick

The all powerful feelings stick

The all powerful feelings stick

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SATIRE– After a recent trip to Fairview High School, the AHS English department has decided to abolish all grades and replace otherwise useless state required class-time with feelings hour.

“It all started when I noticed how stressed all my students were and so I decided to go around the circle and ask them how they were doing,” Cerena Thomchill said. “After ranting for an hour about the pressures of college and grades, I decided there was no way we could continue analyzing Shakespeare’s literary choices in Macbeth. Instead, I got rid of class altogether.”

The English department has now designed a curriculum that places more emphasis on guiding students towards finding their inner peace than any actual reading or writing, and the english students seems to be reacting well to the change. When I entered the classroom I immediately heard Tomchill yelling.

“Sam do not interrupt Jessica when she is holding the sharing stick!” Thomchill said pointing to the piece of wood with a teddy bear attached to the end. She then quickly corrected herself and said. “I’m sorry for that outburst I think we should all take a personal moment to recuperate.” All the children in the class immediately put themselves in what looked like a time out and stood silently facing the wall. AHS junior and IB English student, Rebecka Slacker, has really used the class to her advantage.

“Well today I felt kinda sad but after discussing it with the class I decided I was just tired and spent the rest of the class napping,” Slacker said.

Each English class is also required to take a field trip to the elementary school to see how Shannon Smith’s kindergarten class structures their feelings hour and take notes. So far everyone has responded well to this new educational approach, but some kindergarteners have questioned the strategy.

“Why are these high schoolers ruining share time?!” Bobby Smart, a student of Smith’s kindergarten class, said. “I had some real issues to discuss like Sammy stealing my action figure yesterday, but now I can’t.”

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