Gluten-Free updates in the AHS Café

The wide selection of gluten-free fruit offered at the AHS café.

Photo courtesy of Ananda

The wide selection of gluten-free fruit offered at the AHS café.


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SATIRE — After the major increase in gluten-free students, there were many complaints against the food and drink options at the AHS café. The café is well known for its delicious choices of pastries, its wide selection of bagels with cream cheese, and fresh homemade sandwiches filled with nutritious gluten-full bread. The yogurt and lunch assortments are carbo-boosted with sprinkled wheat while the drinks are sure to be barley based. The growing population of outcasts objected to the café’s thriving business as it wasn’t all-inclusive. After months of argument and negotiation, the head of the café, Misty, agreed to supply gluten-free fruit. Though it was an extremely expensive investment, Misty is hoping that the debate settles and she gets a higher variety of customers.

“The whole dramatic expression of everyone was not worth it,” Misty said. “I work super hard to satisfy my kiddos and in return, they ask for more? And of all things, Gluten Free Fruit?”

A well-known gluten-free member and sophomore at AHS, Saprice Keaman, is a huge supporter of getting new products in the café.

“I don’t see why it’s such a big deal,” Keaman said. “I mean it’s an expensive investment for Misty, but she’ll get so many new customers. All my friends are gluten-free and we’re all super excited to try out the new product.”

Though Misty has agreed to the idea and the gluten-free kids have new options, the rest of the school has some controversial opinions.

A junior at AHS, Foreign Lox, has a regular schedule buying chips, tea, and the legendary cookie during access.

“I already have to wait in line for 10 minutes to get what I want,” Lox said. “I don’t understand why Misty is making such a big investment in something that just makes students more stressed. We still need our fuel!”

The AHS vice principle, Sarah Strausshotdog, is monitoring the lines into the café during access.

“My only job is to make sure that all the students get their snacks and then get to class on time,” Strausshotdog said. “I have to stick to my times, 8:03, 10:08, you know? With the more people that come into the café, it just gets so hard to regulate how many can come in and how to get them all to class on time.”

After the dramatic controversy, Misty made the decision to sell gluten-free fruit; however, if new issues arise, the cafe menu could be reevaluated.

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