THE SKIER SCRIBBLER

The Black (and Red) Death

This+ginger-haired+sleeping+beauty+is+a+prefect+representation+of+the+entire+senior+class%27s+mood.+
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The Black (and Red) Death

This ginger-haired sleeping beauty is a prefect representation of the entire senior class's mood.

This ginger-haired sleeping beauty is a prefect representation of the entire senior class's mood.

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

This ginger-haired sleeping beauty is a prefect representation of the entire senior class's mood.

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

This ginger-haired sleeping beauty is a prefect representation of the entire senior class's mood.

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Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “senioritis” as: “Sen·ior·i·tis: /sēnyəˈrīdəs/noun: a supposed affliction of students in their final year of high school or college, characterized by a decline in motivation or performance.”

Are you @?!*!&# kidding me? Way to sugar coat it, Merriam.

Let me begin by saying – this article was due 12 days ago and merely writing this sentence has taken me fifteen minutes. I can’t even find the words to begin writing this article about senioritis because I, myself, have been plagued with an incurable case of seniritis. Yes, I’m aware that was misspelled and sorry, I’m too lazy to fix it.

Every day since the second semester began, the words, “Yes (insert teacher name here), I know I’m 30 minutes late. And no, I did not do the homework,” have been spewing out the mouths of seniors like hot lava. Why, inquiring minds want to know? Because senioritis is, in fact, a real thing and it’s only cure is graduation day.

Currently, my countdown app is telling me that there is 54 days, 8 hours, 24 minutes, and 43.5 seconds left until graduation, but who’s counting? WE’RE ALL COUNTING. You know when you hear those graduation speeches that often include the lines, “The time you have in high school is fleeting, so linger in those moments you’ll never have again.” Well, I’m calling bull.

My last few months here are not fleeting, but rather never-ending and eternal. Every homework assignment feels like I’m summiting Mount Everest – I can’t think, breathe, see straight, and even though I can clearly see the finish line, it’s never seemed further away. Speaking of Mt. Everest, the red staircase in AHS needs to be replaced with something more logical and less exerting, like a ramp or one of those stairlifts from Up the movie. Although that is my main source of burning calories, I’d rather not show up to first period every day damp from ~perspiration~ and subsequently reaching for my Boost Oxygen can from Carl’s.

In all seriousness, Aspen High School has left a colossal (thank you synonyms.com) handprint on my heart and I truly fear the day I won’t routinely witness the A-team of teachers patrolling the bathrooms. With that being said, I have a personal obligation to educate and inform the rising senior class about the reality of senioritis.

Symptoms of senioritis:

  • Mild to extreme cases of staring out the window
  • Swollen ego
  • Inflammation of the whining gland
  • Short-term memory loss
  • Excessive tardiness
  • Immoderate hallway wondering
  • Disrespectful classroom behavior
  • Acute mediocrity
  • Existential angst and malaise
  • Frequent groutfit wearing
  • Crying in the bathroom
  • Inability to get out of bed
  • Wanting to sail away forever on the senior boat
  • Selective listening or partial deafness
  • Inability to complete sentences because bullet points are easier
  • Asking my mom to help me wrap this article up

If you catch it early, senioritis may be possible to turn around. That was a lie. Oh, that’s also a major symptom…lying. Ultimately, senioritis is an inevitable part of your high school experience and there’s honestly no escape route. That wasn’t a lie. But regardless, enjoy your time left here because as Troy Bolton once said, “Aspen High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean creme brulee, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor. It’s a place where one person, if it’s the right person, changes us all. Aspen High is having friends we’ll keep for the rest of our lives, and that means we really are ‘all in this together’. Once a Skier, always a Skier!” Good luck class of 2020, we out. *Jazz hands*

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About the Writer
Sophie Schlosser, Staff Writer

Sophie is a new senior at Aspen High School, after being at boarding school in upstate New York for the past two years. This is Sophie’s first year as...

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