SATIRE – Every English class at AHS begins with a mindful minute. These sixty-seconds are a peaceful way for students to reflect on their thoughts and attempt to live in the present moment. Last Friday, a senior student at AHS shocked the entire English department when he claimed to have found enlightenment through a mindful minute. AHS student, Randol Blueway, arrived at school on time for the first day this entire school year.

“It was crazy\; the universe sent me a message that I needed to attend school that day. When I sat down in Merena’s class,I was transformed. I had reached total and full enlightenment,” Blueway said.

Many students at AHS have seen how zen Blueway has become and want to follow in his footsteps. Blueway had gained many followers throughout the school.

“Since I have already reached enlightenment, I only charge a small fee for other students to learn how to follow in my footsteps,” Blueway said.

AHS senior, Wophie Silcox, was astonished by Blueway’s new way of living. She wanted to reach enlightenment too.

“Randol promised if we paid just a small fee of $2,000 dollars, he would change our lives forever,” Silcox said.

Vice-principal at AHS, the Burgermeister, had never seen anything like this before. A cult had formed, let alone one where female students just kept joining.

“I saw many of the girls in AHS following in Randol’s lead. They all wore their hair in two braids and followed him in a single file line down the halls of the school as if he had brainwashed them,” Burgermeister said.

AHS student, Togan Fantaberg, attempted to join the cult but was rejected.

“I paid the fee to Blueway, and he took my money but didn’t let me join the group. That’s when I realized this was a scam. Also, he seemed to only be allowing girls to join,” Fantaberg said.

A police officer at AHS, John Smith, is now investigating the alleged sham.

“We will now be questioning Blueway as soon as possible. We have noticed more and more girls joining him each day. It’s crazy all of this just started with a mindful minute,” Smith said.