TikTok brainwashes students to become Chinese soilders

SATIRE- TikTok has taken over the world…literally. Tik Tok was originally called Musical.ly, which had been quite a success–having around 200 million users by 2017. It had a similar concept to Tik Tok, though it shut down a few years later. Musical.ly assumed the name Tik Tok, for reasons unknown. Musical.ly users turned to Tik Tok when it was released. On March 1st, all Tik Tok users flooded to China to join the Chinese Military. The same day, multiple videos had been released of the commotion being caused by the users. These actions caused police officers to get involved due to overcrowding seeming like protesting. Tik Tok CEO, Yhang Ziming brainwashed Tik Tok users through various songs and dances–Renegade being the most prominent. The songs and dances are said to have a subliminal message attached to them. A couple of the messages being, “Come fight with China,” or, “China needs your help.” The app founded in 2017 has now brainwashed over 800,000,000 users–200,000,000 away from the whole of Tik Tok. The 200,000,000 users left have so far resisted the temptation to rush to China, but it’s been proven that no one will be able to resist the antics.

A non-user’s friends had all disappeared within the few days of the news. They had luckily decided not to download the app.

“My friends were all gone over the next few days–so was more than half of the school. I’m just glad that I didn’t download the app and be part of the new Chinese army,” a non-user said.

Yhang, the mastermind behind the now very popular app, has had this ongoing fantasy about brainwashing and entertaining kids at the same time.

“The purpose of Tik Tok is to entertain, and that’s exactly what I did. The videos were only temporary entertainment for the children,” Yhang said.

Along with entertainment, Yhang used Tik Tok for military gain in hopes of building an empire. Initially, he wanted more recognition, but he wanted more than just that. Yhang claimed he wanted to take over the world–for his parents. Instead of the Chinese stereotype of becoming a doctor, his parents wanted him to take over the world. In order for Yhang to fulfill his parents wishes, he’d have to plan for years on end.

“Allowing the kids to create these videos, and learn all these dances was the start of my scheme. The more time people spend on the app, the easier it will be to brainwash them and get them over to China for training,” Yhang said.

Tik Tok star Charlene D’animal has taken on the role of General, while other Tik Tok star Noah [Eubanks] was assigned, Lieutenant. The Chinese soldiers themselves, are questioning where the kids came from, and how they got here.

“I had never seen so many kids in one area, especially ready to fight. I mean, their idea of fighting in a war is dancing to stupid Tik Tok dances that aren’t even relevant. This isn’t the place to have fun and dance, this is war,” one soldier said.

Many Chinese citizens had been trampled as each Tik Tok user ran through the streets. Despite the current Coronavirus outbreak, the kids still ran freely in utter chaos. Up to one million citizens have been hospitalized as a result of the stampede. Fortunately, no one has died, though the hospitals experienced overcrowding. Yhang warned the users in the Terms and Conditions about this potential situation–but seriously, who still reads the Terms and Conditions?

“I literally put it in all bold, at the top of the contract, the lettering was significantly larger than the other font in the contract,” Yhang said.

Throughout the month of March, users kept flooding China, the number of people was nearly unbearable. The citizens are just glad they’re not all hungry and scavenging for food. They’ve all resorted to living full time in their houses in fear of being attacked.

“We’ve been in our houses for two weeks now. We’re all starting to run out of food, and I’m not sure how long we’ll last. At least none of those kids have broken into our houses for food,” a citizen said.

With everything going with the Coronavirus outbreak and China being invaded by Tik Tok users, citizens are beginning to question more about their sanity.

“I’m not even sure if those kids are real. They remind me of those robots from Spy Kids. You know, the ones that are direct replicas of real children–only that they’re made to fight,” another citizen said.

Over the past month, Yhang realized how many kids kept flooding in. Soon, there won’t be enough room in China to possibly train them all. He’s beginning to worry because they don’t have another General or Lieutenant at hand.

“There are too many people on this app!” Yhang said.