SATIRE – @taylorswiftlvr89: Taylor Swift in disguise?


@taylorswiftlvr89, Aspen High School’s beloved science teacher is not only an alumni and Harvard graduate but also the most passionate Taylor Swift Lover Aspen highschool has ever seen. Possibly too passionate?

Point of evidence #1 – Born in 1989
@taylorswiftlvr89 was born on July 25th 1989 (Christmas in July), and Taylor Swift December 13th 1989. Taylor has multiple christmas tracks out in her career. May there be a connection between the two? The christmas album made its Debut in 2007, which also seems to correlate with the year that @taylorswiftlvr89 graduated High School. Is this possibly a Hannah Montanah situation? And the reason Taylor swift loves a Red Christmas so much is a cover up for her secret identity’s middle-of-summer Christmas birthday?

Point of evidence #2 – Taylor’s jet and CO2 emissions
For those who don’t know, back in 2022 a twitter post that tracks celebrity’s private jet usage stated that Taylor Swift had the biggest carbon emissions of any other celebrity that year. @taylorswiftlvr89 ( and his wife) had some thoughts about the accusations, “Why do we constantly have to find things wrong with female artists? If you broke it down and looked at the NFL and how they fly their teams around i’m sure that’s much larger than Taylor Swift: Yes it might not be one individual but collectively the NFL is a much bigger carbon contributor but because its a money making machine that’s dominated by male personalities, nobody cares” @taylorswiftlvr89 said (major “The Man” energy). Taylor’s representative later responded to the backlash stating that the jet had been lent out to friends of hers as well as other celebrities (don’t worry swifties, all is well). While this could just be an incredibly valid take on the patriarchal state of the entertainment/media industry, it could also be a hint to @taylorswiftlvr89’s secret double life. Is he getting defensive because he is Taylor? Does he care so much because she is he and he is she? We’ll let the swifties of AHS decide for themselves.

Point of evidence #3 – @taylorswiftlvr89’s love for “All Too Well”
Okay, so we all hate Jake Gyllenhaal (#wheresthescarfjake??) but no one loves a breakup song about a horrible ex more than the writer themself. “The song that invokes the largest emotional response in me is for sure “All Too Well”, thinking about breakups i’ve been through and how they ended, there are parts of the song that I see as perfect mirrors to my experience” @taylorswiftlvr89 said, the resemblance is uncanny. Now comes the cherry on top for the Taylor Swift/@taylorswiftlvr89 double life case; Taylor Swift is performing in Denver for two nights in July. July as in the month @taylorswiftlvr89 was born, and in the middle of summer while conveniently school is out so there is no need to cover for a sudden trip; @taylorswiftlvr89 is Taylor swift confirmed.