Global Warming’s Not-So-Hidden Benefits Locally, we’ve been experiencing very little snowfall, due to global warming. What many don’t understand is that contrary to the public’s opinion, there...

SATIRE - - - Let’s face it. Many high schoolers are often lonely on Friday nights and turn to movies for relief. The movie they should be turning to is their childhood favorite and the most educational...

SATIRE --- First, school administrators took away off-campus lunch. Then they took free periods and threatened our cell phones. Now students will no longer be able to drive to school. As of April 1st,...

SATIRE --- Outside the orderly and peaceful land of the staff and senior parking lot, is an auto-wasteland known as, The Rim. On The Rim, there are no rules, only cutthroat juniors and sophomores fighting...

SATIRE - - - A bold and unexpected move has sent shockwaves through the Aspen High School skiing community. AHS's premier ski race team has announced a radical change to its uniform dress code for the...

SATIRE --- Are you nervous about having some extra cash during that upcoming gap year? Want to spice up your life and forget about your dream career that's gonna be replaced by AI anyways? You (and many...

SATIRE - - - With the crackdown of the admin on the policy of phones at school, it is looking extremely dire for the presence of little pocket computers at school next year. The screens have produced endless...

SATIRE - - Effective next school year, Aspen High School will implement a new ‘Rent-a-Freshman’ initiative. It involves a quick fee waiver of $1000 and a super easy 5,000 word application. Next...

SATIRE - - Announced on early Sunday morning, Feb. 25, 2024, Aspen Company Ski is introducing plans to implement new summer skiing opportunities. Following the irregular snow conditions of the most recent...

SATIRE - Octogenarian, Boe Jiden has decided to abolish the AARP - and to the surprise of Gen-Zers across the nation, Mo Ann Benkins, AARP’s CEO, agreed. Ms. Benkins has been CEO of the party for over...

Water bottles, in the past, were a very useful tool for hydrating on the go. Yet, in 2024 water bottles have become more of an emotional support method. You will find that almost every person carries a...