In the dead of night on March 32nd at 3:99am, Always High School security cameras showed a mysterious masked man breaking into the weight room and stealing every last weight plate. The first reports of the theft came from the Always High School football team, who were bamboozled by the absence of weight plates.
“It was ludicrous,” said AHS head football coach Bruce Glassoval, “we really had to get creative, I had kids lifting multiple bars at the same time, and also had them lift each other.”
As the day went on, AHS students and staff continued to innovate in an effort to quench their unwavering desire to work out. Students borrowed supplies from the AHS kitchen, brought tables and chairs from the commons, and even tried to engineer their own weights in the wood shop with the help of Joey Hunter. However, one bright AHS student, Mibeck Hurts, came up with the most popular solution.
“I realized that I was already basically carrying a weight plate around in my backpack,” Hurts said, “So I decided that I would just rig up a system to attach my Chromebook to the bar and lift that!”
The solution became overwhelmingly popular quickly among AHS students, and the team participating in off-season workouts after school also opted to use the new technique. AHS weightlifting coach, Maggie Birddoll, was surprised by the weight of the Chromebooks.
“One athlete was unable to squat only two chromebooks on the bar, and I couldn’t help but laugh at first, but when I went to go see what the fuss was about, the bar nearly crushed me! I have never failed a lift so brutally before,” Birddoll said.
The Chromebooks also added a new and unexpected layer to Birddoll’s strength programs.
“During their second set of bench press, my athlete was on the edge of failure, but luckily, the Chromebook died just in time, causing it to lose significant weight and allowing my athlete to keep going!” Birddoll said, “It is the first piece of training equipment that I have ever interacted with that deloads itself.”
District officials declined to comment on whether Chromebooks will be officially added to the AHS weight room next semester.
