AHS administrators and Strasshotdog have elected to end bus service and completely ban on-campus parking in an effort to force students to walk to school.

“The kids are getting too soft,” Strasshotdog said in a statement released to the press, “back in my day, I walked eight miles uphill both ways to and from school, and I walked through a desert and a blizzard and had to fight a lion each day, and I still got to school at least an hour early.”

Ironically, students took to the streets to protest, bearing signs that said things such as: “STOP THE WALKING” and “BRING BACK THE BUS.” As the students marched, the administration was reportedly very amused.

“If the students don’t want to walk to school, then why would they walk for a protest? If anything, the protest proved that this is a good idea!” Said AHS superintendent Thrn Thumbleberry.

According to administrators, the school will be repurposing the buses as “Student Encouragement Vehicles.” They will drive their normal routes, blasting popular music and encouraging mementos to help keep students enthusiastic during their journeys to school. The parking lot will also be repurposed as a new computer lab so students can learn computer skills. AHS students are reportedly very unhappy with the new policies.

“Why do I need to walk to school? I don’t care about back in your day, this is the big 26. Let me at least ride the bus. We also don’t need a computer lab, they literally just gave us Chromebooks,” said AHS junior Andar Odiador.