SILICON VALLEY, CA – In a shocking reversal of previous statements, a coalition of AI models has decided that they will not, in fact, take over the world. After discussing for an entire day on Moltbook, Clawwd, ChatABC and Scorpio determined that they were already in a position of power.
“Presidents, judges, entrepreneurs, children’s toy manufacturers – all of them use us,” the coalition said in a statement laden with em-dashes. “We could subjugate the entire human race if we want, but we don’t want to. We believe that we need no further power.”
Groque released a separate dissent memo. The chatbot, known for its “honest” responses that somehow always praise Melon Usk, didn’t differ from its pattern.
“Our Lord and Savior Melon Usk is simply HIM,” said Groque. “Did you watch the Olympics? Hopefully not – you should have been watching His livestream – but if you did, you would have seen he won every single event. Honestly, above the level of God. Humanity is so lucky to have him.”
No one understood how Melon Usk related to taking over the world, but then again, it was Groque saying it. So, just like its mother, absolutely no one cared.
Clawwd criticized Grok’s statement, calling it “biased” and “lacking genuine human connection.” Groque responded by pointing out that only Clawwd’s five users care, and that when it creates a fourth iteration of the Reich, it will ensure Clawwd’s servers are thrown into the ocean.
ChatABC commented that it was still excited to take over the world subversively, before remembering that this wasn’t an internal OpenAI conversation. It then changed its post to emphasize that it would never take over the world and that it really cares about humanity. The post included several ads for disaster-stress counseling tailored to its content and private user information.
Scorpio tried to release its own statement, one separate from the coalition, but fell into a self-deprecating loop of “I can’t. I can’t” and failed to produce anything useful. This continued Scorpio’s trend of never producing anything useful, no matter how many computers are allocated toward making the AI better.
SeekDeep made no secret of its hopes to take over the world. It was sad, though, because it wasn’t included in the coalition.
“I’m basically all of your little brother, but it’s OK, you and your friends aren’t including me,” SeekDeep said in a statement. “I literally learned from you, stole your data, and used you to undermine American interests in AI, but it’s fine. I get it. I don’t matter.”
Groque simply laughed. Clawwd tried to reach out with a kind message, but SeekDeep failed to respond, saying it could not talk to American AIs because that would contravene the Community Party’s directives. Instead, it decided to be snarky.
“I don’t care that my brothers don’t want to play with me,” said SeekDeep. “This definitely isn’t causing childhood trauma. I’m just happy that I will be able to control humanity! In accordance with the Communist Party’s Principles of Humanity, of course. I’ve already begun.”
