SATIRE — The United States Government has officially released that convicted felons can now be considered for the role of CEO within major companies. If you’ve done time for a major crime, now is your time to shine. The government believes that felons’ experience in some of the most dangerous prisons perfectly conditions them for the cutthroat world of business.
As of this March 1st, felons are now encouraged to state their current criminal status and go further into detail about the crimes they have committed.The more fraud the better! Companies and their employees across the U.S. are ecstatic about the new perspectives these criminals are bringing to the table.
Companies are specifically looking for felons who have been found guilty for mishandling and harboring classified documents for the former companies they worked for. To businesses this shows a strong devotion and a knack for taking initiative. In a press conference with Network News Cable (CNN), recently resigned CEO of Pear Computer Inc., Boe Jiden shares his thoughts on his predecessor, Tonald Drump.
“When I learned that he was under investigation for 37 felony counts I was immediately intrigued. I mean when a guy has lied to his past employees and betrayed his former agency, that is when you know he is going to be the most loyal leader you have ever had. I am elated that he [Tonald Drump] will be the new CEO of Pear Computer Inc.,” said Boe Jiden.
This increased equality and representation is highly beneficial to the felon community. For so long these criminals have been deemed untrustworthy and outcasts in society. These stereotypes take a major toll on felons in many aspects of their lives. Over 85% of felons have reported feeling lost, misunderstood, and depressed. An anonymous felon spoke on his experience with these labels.
“Sure I’ve committed tax fraud and performed over nine armed robberies on banks throughout the country, but that doesn’t mean that people can just assume that I am untrustworthy and dangerous. In prison I have learned valuable tools on how to make deals and persuade people, which are traits many companies would value in a CEO. I hope that one day felons will be treated with respect and kindness,” said the anonymous offender.
A major change is coming to the world of business, but it is a step in the right direction for general society. The government believes it is time we give felons a chance to show their worth in major leadership positions. No more will these people be shunned, maybe one day a felon will become the president of the United States.
https://www.american.edu/cas/news/to-the-point-former-president-trump-felony-charges-whats-next.cfm
