In response to overwhelming student requests, Always High School has announced a new class: IB MacBook Use. After the High School made the decision to force all students to use Chromebooks – “why not, we hate productivity,” said the administration – students brought MacBooks to school in overwhelming numbers. Whether as an act of protest, to play ShellShockers, or to simply make StrossHotdog cry, every single student brings a MacBook to school.

“It comesIt’s comes down to equity,” sophomore Jake Smith, wearing Loro Piana and Versace for the ‘vibes’, said. “Everyone can afford a MacBook – I mean, they’re basically free, right? So forcing us to use ChromeBooks is simply inequitable. We’re not from Glenhood Falls.”

Furthermore, it turns out that Chromebooks break when used in cabins pressurized below 5,000 feet. Coincidently, commercial airliners are pressurized to twice that, so only private jets break Chromebooks. This is a huge problem.

“I can’t do schoolwork when I’m in Europe anymore,” said X2309FIJ#$OU, one of Melon Usk’s kids. “When Dad flies me out to Europe and I don’t want to be there, I can’t just curl up in a ball and open Toddle. Now, I have to talk to him.”

IB MacBook Use focuses on teaching students how to use their Macs discreetly. It focuses heavily on interdisciplinary learning, encouraging students to use their Macs covertly in all other classes and to explore how they can hide their computers as Chromebooks across English, History, and Math classes.

“I haven’t used a Blocksi-infested computer in months!” said a senior who requested to remain anonymous. “I get all of my English assignments done so much more quickly, and with so much less thinking, now that I can access unrestricted Chat.”

Teachers across departments have hailed their students’ newfound efficiency gains.

“I don’t know how they got their Chromebricks – sorry, I mean Chromebooks – to work so well,” said a math teacher, “but I don’t care. I don’t even have to teach anymore!”