The student news site of Aspen High School

THE SKIER SCRIBBLER

The student news site of Aspen High School

THE SKIER SCRIBBLER

The student news site of Aspen High School

THE SKIER SCRIBBLER

Satire: The mystery Machine

Mystery+Machine+in+Motion
Lauren Kinney
Mystery Machine in Motion

The Man, The Myth, The Legend of AHS. Who is this you may ask? The thing is, we do not know the man or his name. He is referred to as the Man, The Myth, The Legend. He is also addressed as the Mystery Machine. Some may think of Scooby Doo, but you are wrong. Think bigger and better. His job is to move in silence and transparency. Intense, right? Who doesn’t want that job? You may ask what one can do in these two forms, and the answer is a secret.
I will let you in on a secret, you may have seen his mode of transportation. It is a sleek blue and gray two-toned machine. In order to know that the special man is present he has a red flashing light that is constantly on. Even though the flashing lights feel dangerous, the maximum speed the mode of transportation can exceed is five mph. Although you may see the machine you do not see him, nor where he is going. You never know his next move. Throughout the school day The Man, The Myth, The Legend, does whatever he pleases. But has a few restrictions. He can not take his mode of transportation up or down the stairs, and can not exceed school limits. His job during the weekdays is to constantly clean the floors back and forth. Fun right? So what does the Man the Myth the legend spend their days, nights, and weekends in order to rejuvenate himself for the hard weeks of cleaning ahead?
Although the man behind the mode of transportation is invisible, does not mean his personality, dreams, and aspirations are not present. I interviewed the invisible man (do not ask questions about how this interview was conducted) about his daily life and what it feels like to be invisible.
The Man, The Myth, The Legend stated that since he appears invisible, kids act out in front of his mode of transportation. He has seen anything from stealing from the cafe to kids sneaking down to the dungeon, and not washing their hands in the bathrooms. These unforgettable actions can’t be exposed because he likes to remain silent.
What does he do when he is driving the machine? His simple response was Fortnite dances and online games. He practices dances in order to prepare for his stage debut one day. The online games consist of Wii, 2048, and Snake IO, which are his pastimes while he drives the machine. The school finally hired an over-capable man, therefore he can drive in one hand and game in the other!
The Man, The Myth, The Legend was eligible for the position because he was a former Formula One driver, but wanted to take a slower approach to life. Make sure to give him a high five when you pass him in the hall!

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Lauren Kinney, Social Media Editor

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